Chloe looks to me, and she registers the hesitation on my face. The last time I was on an ungroomed tree trail was with Dad when he tried to teach me how to do what he did on skis. Except Dad is an expert. Skilled like an Olympic skier. And I know I’m extra as fuck, but that’s not an exaggeration. He floats on top of powder with a beautiful fluidity that’s an art in and of itself. Me? I don’t move like that. I’m calculated. Careful. Risk-averse. Precise to a fault. So when Dad tried to teach me to be like him, I spent most of the day on my ass, holding back tears, floundering beneath mounds of snow, and close to having a panic attack.

“You coming?” Chloe asks. “You don’t have to, you know. You can cut through the terrain park and meet us at the bottom. Sof won’t know.” I can see her wink through her rose-tinted goggles.

Do I take the shortcut here? Or do I do the thing that scares me? I hear Taylor’s voice in my head, telling me to go find my adventure. Maybe it was never about finding a love to fulfill me but rather taking the risk and loving myself?

It’s time to turn my back on the Chase that floundered in the snow. The one who only dreamed of adventure. And actually go on one.

Using my poles as leverage, I slide past Chloe and let out a howling woo!

With quick turns and sharp zigzags, we dart around trees and over barely covered rocks. There hasn’t been a decent enough snowfall yet, and I’m thanking the gods that I’m using rental skis because Mom would kill me if I scratched the bottom of mine, which she scrimped and saved to buy a few years back. Either way, it doesn’t matter because, right now, I’m living in a way I’ve been too afraid to, for far too long.

I’m fearless.

Okay, maybe not fearless, but I’m not focusing on what makes me afraid. Instead, I’m just enjoying the trail. The right now.

Chloe zips past me, but I don’t care because I make it down all the same, unscathed.

I breathe a sigh of relief, and though I don’t tell either of them, I’m proud of myself.

After three runs, Chloe is winded and heads into the lodge for hot chocolate. Good thing Sofía is game for more because I’m just getting started.

I lose myself on every new trail. Skiing has always been a place to clear my head, to dream up new animation scenes or ideas, where unformed characters wander into my mind and stir shit up, cause some chaos, or burrow into my subconscious and beg for me to tell their stories.