Jack’s eyes widen. “Rhett and I don’t exactly talk. He makes it a point not to be in the room when I’m there. I haven’t said much to him since the first week. All he does when we’re there together is huff and puff and spray the entire room with Febreze.”

“He’s such a nervous bunny,” Benny says, lovesick.

“Where did you even come from?” Chloe deadpans.

“Born of Bravo TV and anxiety by way of Italy. An-y-way,” Benny says. “I want to dress like a slut, so I need man-baiting costume ideas. And slutty Carole Baskin is not an option because that was my costume two years ago, and I simply cannot repeat. Then we can figure out where to go.”

“Actually, I have an idea. Benny, why don’t we throw a little gathering at our suite Friday? We’re gonna be the only ones there since everyone either has parents coming and staying with them in their various Airbnbs or are going home for the weekend. It’d have to be small because we don’t want to get written up, and we’d have to check that it’s okay with the other suitemates, but why not?”

“I like how you think,” Benny says. “But only if we can invite Rhett.”

“Hopeless,” I say. Then I turn to Chloe, Sofía, and Jack. “Y’all in?”

“Benny, are you finished yet? I have to shower!” I yell through the bathroom door.

“You cannot rush perfection, binch!” he screams back.

He’s been in there for damn near an hour putting on his costume, which he’s successfully kept a secret after we took a bus to the nearest mall, and he managed to conceal everything he bought. All I know is that he spent an obscene amount of time in the Christmas Tree Shop.

When he emerges, he’s dressed in a skimpy nutcracker soldier outfit, but instead of pants, he is wearing black heels and a bikini bottom that barely contains him. He’s got a long white Santa Claus beard and a top hat but also a giant drag queen–style breastplate. Makeup lines are drawn around his mouth, which opens and closes mechanically.

I can’t look away. “What. Is. Happening. Here?”

Using his best feminine porn star voice, he coos, “I’m a nutcracker, daddy. Do you want your nuts cracked?”

“I’m confused and aroused,” I say.

He tilts his head. “Aww, sweetie. Thank you. You think this is enough to get me laid tonight?” He rubs his plastic breasts, which makes me very uncomfortable.

“I think you need to stop doing that.”

“Feel them. They’re so real.”

“Ignoring you. Is Rhett coming?”

“I do not know. I’m assuming Jack will, though, right?”

“Yeah …”

“What’s wrong, sugar?”