* * * *

Tha market iz open now.

I am workin like a one arm paperhanger or whatever that means. I have like 30 orders on my desk. Everyone is yelling about VERT. I think a paperhanger is kind of someone who passes bad checks, right? Hanging paper. Funny, that iz what I kinda am doing 2, with these internet stocks.

Nobody really haz any idea how hard I work. I try to explain that to my Mom but she thinks I am like some kind of con man or something. She also thinks that I am hanging around the dudes on the floor of the stock exchange, and then I tell her that I trade UPSTAIRS, but she doesn’t listen. So u have to get all these orders right or else there r big consequences, like a client sells 20,000 shares of VERT instead of buys, and then the stock is up 20 bucks. That’s a $400,000 error. That’s like wreckin 20 cars in one day.

I am in the middle of all this shiz when I feel hands on my shoulderz. I don’t have to turn around to know who it iz. It iz Dan, who likes to touch.

“How’s my favorite junior sales trader this morning?”

“Cut it out.”

He actually means well and he touches everyone including tha guys (I have even seen him kiss a client on tha cheek) and he just has a reputation for being touchy-feely and shit. This morning I am not in tha mood. He iz an older guy with gray hair and one of these haircuts that like imitates an Asian guy, tapered all tha way up. He likes to talk about hiz boy playing hockey all tha time.

“Just easin’ the tension, baby.”

I know what that iz from, that iz from Happy Gilmore. Maybe another day this would make me smile, but az I said this morning I am not in the mood.

“Dan, do you have a hearing problem?” I say.

He lets go and says “Easy killer, take a chill pill,” which iz somethin u would have said in the 80s. He iz older so yeah.

So touchy feely Dan leaves and everyone heard this so now I am left to my own devices, which iz fine.

trdrbear: hey

Oh geez

nderivs: hey

trdrbear: pick me up

OH geez. I know what he wants to talk about.

“Hello.”

“Hey, we’re going to want to play the spinoff.”

“What spinoff?”

“Man alive, I didn’t think you got that drunk last night. You read the paper? 3Com spinning off Palm.”

“Oh.”

“You know? Palm Pilot? Wake up, sweetheart.”

“Ha. Yeah.”

“I need you to be Johnny On The Spot for this. Weber is like, out of his tree this morning.”

“Still not talking?”

“No. But he IM’d me and said he wanted to be size in this spinoff.”

“You know what he’s doing?”

“No.”

“Ok bye.”

I hang up. Now I have to tell Savage and Tod this.