All the Evil of This World

Jared Dillian

Contents ( 17)

ALL THE EVIL OF THIS WORLD

Jared Dillian

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

1

to Carolyn

dedication
copyright all-rights-reserved
1
Clerk
W83
T22
2
Fuckface/Savage
Squeg/New Girl/nderivs
3
CN/trdrbear
Weber
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

2

1 SAN FRANCISCO

Clerk

As she was getting out of bed I could see her nipples, which was the whole reason I got with her in the first place, but I also had this accompanying sense of dread, as I felt her mass, her presence, like, WHO ARE YOU and HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE, and now she’s up, walking, in the bathroom, closing the door, and it suddenly occurred to me that I had never actually heard a girl pee before, and it was really fucking loud, like it was raining really hard outside or something, kind of like this old friend I had whose brother was in the Military Honor Guard in D.C., and he used to have to do all these funerals in Arlington, and he said he’d be standing there, and the riderless horse would start pissing everywhere, all over the pavement, and it was the same sound, it would sound like it was raining really hard outside, and it was all he could do to not start cracking up in the middle of the goddamn funeral. So here I’m listening to her pee and it’s not funny at all, I’ve had girlfriends and even one night stands and they’ve had the courtesy or at least the dexterity to aim it at the side of the bowl so they didn’t make this huge racket. I’m betting that all my roommates are hearing this. This wasn’t what I had in mind when I met her, I was walking from A to B on the exchange floor, and she was walking from C to D, and it was impossible not to notice her, she looked like some giant overripe something, bouncing and bobbling and smelling great and hair and holy shit I about had a heart attack, yeah, she was a little overweight, but in all the right places, and she looked part Mexican or something, I was lusting. So things happen on a trading floor when you’re young kind of like they do in high school, I figured out, I never really had to go up and ask her out, I just had to drop a few hints to people, like, “hey, do you know who she is, where does she work, etc. etc.” and it turned out she was some secretary for one of the exchange bigwigs, 26 and single and by all accounts a nice girl. And I am not a nice guy. I lift weights constantly and I look like Adonis and I fuck anything that walks. So I’m thinking that she is going to be another casualty, but we did have a few legitimate dates, sitting in the back row of a movie theatre, making out gratuitously and grabbing and pitching a giant fucking teepee just like in high school. And that was a good start. And if I were paying attention clearly I would have noticed her dark, narrow eyes and her oversized jaw and I would have seen these things, but I never see these things in the beginning, only at the most inconvenient times, like when I am hard core pound-fucking her in my apartment, and I can’t finish. Every fantasy involving her did not end this way, they ended in bigger, better ways, not me humping, sweating, wishing this was over, and possibly her as well, though she has her arms out, accepting, possibly enjoying, and I just can’t do it. I capitulate and roll over, drenched in sweat and pretend to sleep for a while as she wakes up the entire place with her pee, and twenty minutes later I get up silently and sneak to the bathroom and jerk off in the motherfucking sink.