“So I am going to do this trade and you are going to sit back and listen.”

trdrbear: not doing it

“Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit.”

“Not talking to you.”

Weber: S 3000 COMS Apr 120 calls

trdrbear: No

Weber: what?

trdrbear is typing…

trdrbear: Not doing it

“You fucking ungrateful asshole.”

“Not talking to you. Hang on a second, I’m typing.”

Weber: FUCKING DO IT OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP FOR LIFE. YOU WILL NEVER WORK AGAIN

Weber: I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU

“What the fuck is wrong with this guy?”

“CN. He never does this. What the fuck?”

“No, he doesn’t know. There’s no possible way he could know.”

“FUCK YOU, CN, the one time I need you to execute a fucking trade, you refuse to execute the fucking trade. Motherfucker.”

Weber: WHAT THE FUCK

“CN, if you don’t do this trade, I am going to come out and kill you, and then blow my brains out.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU.”

“I’m giving this asshole ten seconds to trade until I go onto the floor and shoot him in the neck and watch him fucking bleed to death.”

Weber: 10 SECONDS AND YOU’RE FIRED

Weber: 9

Weber: 8

Weber: 7

Weber: 6

Weber: 5

Weber: 4

Weber: 3

Weber: 2

Weber: 1

Weber: it’s over for you

* * * *

“Shhh. Quiet.”

trdrbear: S 3000 COMS APR 120 calls at 20

I entered the trade into my spreadsheet and hit F9. The call options I sold for $20 were now worth $19.50. Three thousand times 100 multiplier times $0.50 is $150,000. I already made $150,000. I put the phone down. I could hear him, calling after me. I could hear C.N., packing his shit, leaving. I hit F9 again. The call options I sold for $20 were now worth $18. I have made $600,000. I hit F9 again. $900,000. PALM was plummeting, COMS was collapsing. Stocks do apparently go down. The one time I sell them they go down. F9. $1,200,000. Did Kensington take the other side of this trade? Or did I just wipe out a handful of floor guys? F9. $1,800,000. For weeks I have been buying pieces of shit and watching them go up, and now I sell a real company and watch it go down. F9. $2,400,000. The phone goes silent. He’s definitely calling the police. They should be here soon. F9. $3,000,000. I have just made a 50% return in five minutes. I stare at the gun, pick it up, it’s heavy. I point it at my temple again. F9. $3,900,000. That was it. That was the top of COMS. That was the top of the entire market. I was trying to lose money and I made money. I was trying to blow up my fund and made the best trade of my life.

I look around at the shit everywhere.

I turn off my computer.

I guess that’s that.

1

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I’d like to give thanks to: