I stop, shut my eyes, and think of Mom flipping through her Bible for answers. “That Bible doesn’t tell you how to be a better person; it tells you how to be a follower. What’s heaven? Clouds in the sky. What’s hell? A fiery pit to pay for your sins. What’s earth? A place to judge everyone’s else life against a book. I don’t know what the point is anymore.” I shake my head and picture Mom and Pastor Tim talking about me. Frustration fills me up. I let it all wash over me and fall to my knees. “I will never be what they want to me to be. I’d rather die than go against who I am.”

Betty stands up and fluffs my pillow. “You need sleep. Lie down and I’ll bring you dinner later. We can pray together.”

I let my shoulders slump. “Hey, what will you do if they ever let you out of here?”

Betty smiles. “Find a wife and start a family.”

After Betty exits, I walk over to the desk. Find the knife. The lights drop. I envision those pills from the Wawa—my supposed option to escape the pain. My supposed way to have control. And I scream.

In the dark, I pull the feelings back inside. I didn’t take the pills. I’m not stronger than Ajax; I just had the support I needed in that moment. Hugo was there. Juliet was there. My aunt was there. And because of them, I am here.

“And that’s intermission,” Brady announces. “We’ll start the second act in fifteen.”

“Thanks, fifteen,” I hear from the actors offstage. The lights come back on and I see Joshua still in his seat. I stand there and wait to see if he will say anything. He nods slowly. “That’s what I needed from you. I’m glad we got there.”

I almost throw up at the thought that he had anything to do with my process. “Thanks,” I say, then walk offstage.

7:45 P.M.

Once I get to Haswell Green’s, I stop and catch my breath after literally running here. The open mic is almost over. I smooth out my clothes and stand up straight. Tonight, I won’t be Party Guy or Flirt or anyone other than August.

I open the door to a packed bar. The place is wall-to-wall with people. Tess is onstage singing “I Hate Men” from Kiss Me, Kate. Makes sense; I heard that Justin broke up with her. I stop and watch her finish the song. She’s actually killing it—her voice and performance are really impressive. The crowd is hooting and hollering when she finishes.