I pace around the apartment, feeling embarrassed. Exposed. Like some poor suicidal kid who everyone needs to be careful around. I feel sick and ashamed that my aunt thinks I’m a risk to myself. I hate that I scared her, and Juliet. Maybe I wanted my parents to realize how much their cruel words and beliefs hurt me. And just maybe, they would hurt as much as me.

But it only would have hurt the people who really care about me. Trying to end my life wouldn’t teach my parents anything, only confirm their backward beliefs. I get mad at myself. Mad that I love my parents so much. Mad that I can’t unlove them. I grab an apple and sit down at the kitchen table.

I start with “AUGUST GREENE: A Character Study” and go from there. I write for an hour and eat three gluten-free toaster waffles with almond butter and honey. It almost tastes like real food. Once I write the last sentence, I head upstairs and pass out.

5:35 P.M.

Another knock wakes me up. The sun is setting. I’ve been asleep for hours. Guess I needed it. “Come on downstairs,” Aunt Lil shouts from the other side of the door. I put on some fresh clothes, grab my notebook, and head down.

Aunt Lil and Davina are seated at the dining room table.

“There’s the sleepyhead,” Davina says.

“Come sit,” Aunt Lil says. And I do.

Davina starts fanning herself. “It’s getting hot in here, being so close to this star.”

“I can turn on the air conditioner,” I joke.

“Can I speak forwardly?” she asks.

I look away, ashamed. “Yeah.”

“I had religious and unaccepting parents, too. As soon as I had enough money, I moved from Georgia to New York. Now, you would think meeting other queer people and feeling safe to be out would make me instantly happy, healthy, and more comfortable, right?”

“Sure,” I say.

“I wish it was that easy,” Davina says. “I still had all these ideas in my head that being gay was wrong. And meeting people like me only made me feel worse. I couldn’t get past all my old thoughts.”

“What did you do?” I ask.

“Worked on it. It took having honest conversations with people who supported me, and therapy, and time. Eventually, I became who I really am.” She pauses and thinks. “You, my boy, are a gift to this world, and you’re experiencing a lot at once. From beginning your transition to your new school and everything else.”

“That’s a heck of a lot for anyone to deal with,” Aunt Lil says. “I should have been more persistent about getting you help.”

“Did you hide your medicine from me?” I ask them.