“He has nothing to do with my love for you.”

“Have you met him?”

“Yes.”

He had another son. It was surreal. “How many times?” Lina asked.

“Baby, why—”

“Don’t call me that. Does he look like you?”

“I think he looks a little like Logan.”

“I hate you,” she whispered.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You have a baby with another woman, Phil. There is no undoing that.”

“You’re right, there isn’t. And I regret the circumstances surrounding his conception and how much I’ve hurt you, and I wish to God he was yours, but I am not ashamed of him and I can’t regret him. He’s my son.”

Chapter 45

45

Phil’s words replayed in her mind for days. He’s my son. He had another son. Her children had a brother. This was real.

“Did you expect him to deny his own child?” Alice asked when Lina told her of the conversation.

“No, of course not.” Lina was pacing back and forth in her mother’s kitchen. “But I didn’t expect him to say he didn’t regret him. That hurt.”

“How could he regret his own flesh and blood?” Alice asked. “Regardless of how he came to be, it’s his baby. He looks just like him.”

Lina stopped pacing. “How would you know that?”

“I saw his pictures.”

“You saw his pictures?” Lina frowned at her mother. “When, on Christmas?”

“No, last weekend. He was over here replacing my sliding glass door.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s been giving me problems for months, so I—”

“I mean why did Phil fix it?”

“He always fixes things for me.”

“We’re separated. You shouldn’t be asking him to do things around your house.”

“Why ever not? He’s like a son to me. Do you expect that to change because you’ve decided to throw your life into chaos?”

“Yes.” Lina nodded. “That’s exactly what I expect. You’re my mother. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am on your side. That’s why I keep waiting for you to come to your senses.”

“Sometimes I think you live in a completely alternate universe.”

“Maybe I do, but it’s probably saner than the one everyone else inhabits. I mentioned the beginner astrology course for Katie to Phil. He seemed more receptive.”

“He did not.” Lina knew her mother was lying.

“He didn’t say yes, but he wasn’t as short as normal, so I saw that as progress.”

“She’s not going,” Lina said. “It’s not just Phil, it’s me. I don’t want her to go.”

“You don’t think I know that? But what I’d like to know is why. What are you so afraid of?”