Clarity—even through the fog of fatigue and sadness and expensive business-class bubbles—smacked me in the head. I looked at Lins who was still watching me.

“Because James makes me—sorry, made me feel good about myself. Sort of. I mean, sometimes I felt like an unsophisticated idiot around him, but generally, on the whole, for the most part”—she dropped her head to the side with a look that said, “get on with it”—“he made me feel special and beautiful and desired.”

“But?”

“But it wasn’t really me. It was exhausting being that person.”

She smiled at me, a gentle, loving smile. “You are special and beautiful, Sez, but there’s something to be said for being yourself when you’re with someone—and knowing that they love you.”

“Yeah. Not that any of it matters now. I mean James and I want very different things and neither of us was going to be happy with a compromise.”

“No, probably not. But, from what you’ve said, Josh knows you, Sarah. Doesn’t being with him feel right?”

“Sort of.”

“Why ‘sort of’?”

Tears stung my eyes. “Because he doesn’t know if he wants me.”

“Well, that does seem to be the case—for now, at least. Look, I promise this is the last question, but how long are you going to wait for him to make up his mind?”

I picked up Domino, much to his chagrin, and held him close to me. He wriggled for a few seconds, then succumbed to my suffocating affection. I nuzzled the top of his head with my chin. “Men suck,” I said. “Not you, Domino,” I added quickly. Lins laughed and I hesitantly joined in with a derisive chuckle. I really did think that men sucked.

“Can we consider the last one hypothetical?”

She got up and patted me on the shoulder as she walked past me to the kitchen. “No. We can’t.”

I pouted.

“Hey. Can I ask you something?” I asked, twisting around to face her while she put the kettle on. Domino had had enough and jumped down to the floor.

“Yep.”

“If Josh does get his shit together and decides he wants to be with me—and not as a vacationship …” I heard the bitterness in my voice and checked it.

“Mmm?” she prompted. Her bum was sticking out of the pantry.

“Hey, do you have any Tim Tams?” She stood up and tossed me an unopened packet, which I nearly caught. She rolled her eyes at me; I truly suck at catching things. I picked up the packet from the floor and opened it. “I’ll have the broken ones,” I called. I hoped they were all broken. I pulled out the first one, which was still intact, and bit off the corner, then spoke with my mouth full. “So, if Josh figures out that he wants to be with me … do I tell him about James?”

I had her full attention then. “You mean about going on a romantic trip with James after you went on a romantic trip with Josh, or about James being in Sydney over the next few months, or about James wanting to be with you for the rest of your lives?” Wow. That last part really stung. But she was right.