Did I have anything to declare? Yes! I declare that my love life sucks and that I am thirty-seven and a hot mess. I didn’t say that. Instead, I chose the “nothing to declare” line and went straight through. Lindsey was waiting on the other side of the door and, just like Cat had done a few months before at Heathrow, Lins ignored the signs telling her to stay clear of the area, and came and enveloped me in a huge hug.

I was too tired to cry—and probably too drunk—but I clung to her. She pulled away from me and gave me an appraising look. “Here,” she said, reaching for my suitcase and carry-on. “I’ll take these. Follow me.” I obeyed, following her through the airport like a lost duckling.

Less than thirty minutes later, I was sitting on her couch, a blanket her nana had crocheted on my lap, Domino purring loudly next to me, and a giant mug of tea in one hand. Have I mentioned how much I love my bestie?

Nick had made himself scarce—Nick who usually enjoyed a front-row seat to my love life disasters. This must be really bad.

“Spill. And don’t skip anything. I’ll know.”

That was “Tough Love” by Lindsey Haskell, everyone. Stick around, because the hits will keep on coming.

She was watching me, her look a combination of “concern” and “don’t bullshit me”. And even though I really didn’t want to relive everything from the past few days, I knew I had to. Lins would listen to me, then help me figure out how to get past this latest love catastrophe. She was good at both those things and when it came to me, she’d had a lot of experience.

I sipped my tea and petted Domino as I walked her through the whole trip, all the conversations and everything I’d felt at the time, only glossing over the sex stuff. I wrapped up by telling her my realisation about Josh.

“So, you love Josh?” I nodded tentatively, no longer confident of my feelings.

“And when you got back from Hawaii, you thought you and Josh had broken up—that you’re just going to end up as friends. Right?” I nodded. I was turning into one of those little dogs that sits on the dashboard of your car.

“And then you went to New Zealand with James. Why?” My eyes flew to hers, panicked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly that. Why did you go to New Zealand with James?”

“Because I wanted to be sure.”

“About James or Josh?”

I reminded myself I loved Lindsey because she asked the hard questions, because she knew I needed to answer them—for me. She wouldn’t let me hide from myself. I sat there steeping in the uncomfortable thoughts that tumbled over each other.

Why did I go to New Zealand with James? Josh aside, did I ever really see me and James working out? Have I known all along we wouldn’t end up together?