“I don’t know, sign your name?” She was teasing me a little and I looked up to see her smiling at me.

I nodded and snuffled up some snot. She handed me another three tissues and I blew my nose. Then I wrote a message to Josh. It took me three goes, deleting what I wrote twice, before I came up with this masterpiece:

Hi. I arrived safely. Staying with Lins and Nick tonight. Talk soon. S x

Lins held her hand out so she could see it and I held up my phone. “Good. Right to the point.” I tapped “send”. “You know, and I don’t want to give you false hope, but his text … it doesn’t seem like he’s decided it over.”

“Really? I mean, that’s kind of what I thought too. But then I worried that it was just wishful thinking.”

“Well, you probably need to talk to Josh. I mean, I’ve never met the guy, so I literally have no idea what’s going through his head, but …” She shrugged. “Well, you know?” No, I did not know. “Now …” She paused and I could sense what was coming. “What’s happening with James?”

“Ugh.” I leant back against the couch and put the pillow over my face. “I don’t know!” I wailed, my voice muffled.

“Sez.” she tugged at the pillow and I put it back in my lap. “You don’t have to decide anything tonight, or tomorrow, or even this week, for that matter, okay?” I nodded, suddenly fascinated with the tassels on the pillow. “But you do need to decide if you’re going to see James when he comes. And soon.” Then she added, “Ish. Soon-ish.”

I looked at her. “I have to see James.” I could see she wanted to say something, as a small frown had appeared between her brows. “What?”

She shook her head. “No, it’ll muddy the waters.”

“Just say it.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Lindsey was usually free with the truth and far more tactful than her husband, but she was hedging, and it made me nervous. “Please just say it.”

“Look, I can’t imagine what it feels like to be in your situation. I mean, you obviously have serious feelings for both of them …”

“But?”

“But you got a taste of what it would be like to lose Josh and it sucked, right?” I nodded, my own frown deepening. “So, doesn’t that tell you something? Doesn’t that mean you should let James go?”

Did it? I thought back to how I felt saying goodbye to James in London and tears prickled my eyes. It felt awful, that’s how it felt. And despite Josh’s text, I didn’t know where things stood with him. Even if I hadn’t ruined everything with my horrible outburst, he was still unsure of how he felt about being in a relationship. He’d been very clear about that. What if I let James go and things didn’t work out with Josh?

What if I’m left with no one?