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Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

SERGEANT   Sir! (He nods.)

CAPTAIN   Well done! Carry on, Sergeant.

INT. KITCHEN/HALL/UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR. NIGHT.

Harold leads the Sergeant and three men down to the kitchen. He indicates a sheet of plastic sheeting which covers the pantry where previously he had been wielding his pick. He stands aside. The Sergeant pulls the sheet away. Glyn is hiding behind it. There is a scuffle. Glyn manages to escape. He bolts up the kitchen stairs, pursued by the soldiers.

Glyn rushes through the hall, where the guests are crowding in the doorways. He clutches at Stella, who pushes him off. Again he evades the soldiers and dashes up the stairs. There is much shouting.

In the upstairs corridor Glyn runs into the fumigators, advancing on him with gas masks and sprays. He is overpowered.

In the hall the guests watch as Glyn is carried, unconscious, down the stairs. His body has been wrapped in a transparent plastic bag.

Tables, screens, etc. are now carried out of the house.

SERGEANT   I want this place left exactly as I found it.
The Captain leaves. The guests crowd into the cloakroom to get dressed.

INT. CLOAKROOM. NIGHT.

The guests start getting into their clothes. Pauline is peeking out through a window where the newspaper is loose.

PAULINE   What are they doing?
The others crowd to the windows and try to find chinks to look out of.

INT. STREET OUTSIDE (STUDIO). NIGHT.

Glyn is lifted, still in his plastic bag, between orderlies, who are going to put him in an ambulance. The Captain has a word with the Sergeant, lifts his revolver and shoots Glyn. The plastic bag fills with blood.

INT. DRAWING ROOM. NIGHT.

The guests are gathered round the shrouded figure of Totty. Oscar strips the sheet away.

BETTY   You’re absolutely sure she is dead?

OSCAR   Have we got a mirror?
They lift the large mirror from the mantelpiece and hold it with difficulty over Totty as Oscar checks.

RUFUS   Steady, steady. What would you say, Padre?

MR GREGORY   I don’t know. I’ve never met the woman before.

OSCAR   She’s dead all right.

GEORGE   Totty, Totty.

PAULINE   Totty.

OSCAR   It’s what people do. Die.

RUFUS   We can’t notify the authorities. Not now.

OSCAR   We’d be in quarantine for months.

RUFUS   Only one thing to do. Bury her.

DICKIE   What about a service?

RUFUS   The padre here can do the honours.

MR GREGORY   I’d be happy to.

STELLA   Where?

OSCAR   Is there a garden?

BETTY   Yes, but it’s a frightful mess. Builders’ rubbish.

PETER   Any spades?

GEORGE   I think there are.
They go out to dig the grave. The others cluster round Totty.

SUE   It’s so sad.

BETTY   It is sad.

STELLA   She had a very full life.

BETTY   Oh yes.

OSCAR   One dies … that’s what one does – dies.

DICKIE   How are we going to get her out?