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Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

OSCAR   It can’t be. I’m a doctor.
Orderly motions him behind the screen to be vaccinated, just as George is completing his form. Oscar disappears. A moment later he gives a terrible scream. George reacts.
Svend, whose turn it is next, does not react in the slightest. He is still wearing his bracelet, which the Orderly orders him to take off. He
pockets it.

OSCAR   (behind screen) Svend! Oh Svend! Help me.
Svend hands over his certificate.

ORDERLY   OK. Get dressed.
George is next.

INT. MUSIC ROOM. NIGHT.

There is a similar arrangement with trestle table and screens. Stella presents her certificate to a woman orderly and as she does so takes some banknotes from her bra and hands them over with it.

The orderly glances at the certificate, staples the banknotes to it and motions her behind the screen.

STELLA   Dickie! Dickie!
She is dragged behind the screen, screaming. Then suddenly stops, emerging a moment later, very cool, saying to Pauline who has been processed and is just going to be done:

STELLA   It actually doesn’t hurt at all.

PAULINE   Really?
She goes behind the screen and it is terribly painful.

PAULINE   (screams) Oh, Betty!
Stella shrugs.

INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR AND MOTHER’S ROOM. NIGHT.

The fumigation squad advances down the corridor, opening doors and spraying into the rooms. They enter Mother’s room: she continues to watch TV. They start spraying and she takes a gas mask which is hanging from her chair and puts it on.

INT. DRAWING ROOM. NIGHT.

The guests huddle under blankets, recovering from their ordeal.

PAULINE   It’s the worst pain I’ve ever had in my whole life.

STELLA   Not worse than childbirth, surely?

RUFUS   We’ve got to remember – they’ve got a job to do.

GEORGE   We expect them to be there when we need them.

OSCAR   The alternative is worse.

BETTY   We should be grateful.
Harold appears with mugs of tea on a tray and serves the guests. The Sergeant appears in the doorway, and calls to Harold.

SERGEANT   You! You there!
Harold goes to the Sergeant and is led outside.

STELLA   What do they want him for?

RUFUS   I never liked the look of him.
Stella crosses to the door and looks out on the hall.

INT. HALL. NIGHT.

In a corner Harold is being interrogated. A group of soldiers, including a white-jacketed man, gather round him, hiding him from camera. There is a sudden, agonised cry from Harold.

INT. MUSIC ROOM. NIGHT.

Mrs Brookstone is at the piano, playing, while a group of soldiers softly sing ‘There’s a Long, Long Trail’. Mr Gregory is chatting with the Captain.

MR GREGORY   An unpleasant job, but carried out with minimum of fuss. I shall send my appreciation to the Brigadier.

CAPTAIN   That’s very good of you, sir. We try not to cause any more inconvenience than we need.
The Sergeant is at the door of the music room. Harold is behind him, guarded.