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Chapters (41)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. 16
  19. 17
  20. 18
  21. 19
  22. 20
  23. 21
  24. 22
  25. 23
  26. 24
  27. 25
  28. 26
  29. 27
  30. 28
  31. 29
  32. 30
  33. 31
  34. 32
  35. 33
  36. 34
  37. 35
  38. 36
  39. 37
  40. Acknowledgements
  41. About the Author

Maybe Yusuf’s talk about parallel universes was all wrong since it made me picture two lines of light streaking through empty black space, never once touching. From what I’ve seen, it’s like the universes intersect at points. The Envisioner. The times me and him spent alone together. The way he kisses like he’s resurfacing from a deep dive and I’m giving him air.

I lowered my camera and walked to the telescope. I peeked down, the fingers of one hand interlaced with Yusuf’s. Whatever sight offered by the telescope’s lens blurred in my eyes.

“Do you see it?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s beautiful. So, so beautiful.”

*   *   *

I’ve heard a million shitty songs about how love is like a drug. Many of those songs while I was swaying on a dancefloor under a disco light, with the music thrumming in me, watching time ripple away in waves that I could reach out and touch. Oh, your love is making me high. I got what those hack songwriters who rhymed love and above meant. Love lights you up and torches your brain. For me, actual drugs were an escape. A way to strap on armor so I didn’t feel so much, and the metal might weigh me down enough that I’d fall asleep. Yusuf was sharp and real and raw—something bright that burrowed past my ribs and stayed there.

The car we’d borrowed slipped over the black thread of the road on the way back to the Compound, the only sound the faint hum of the engine.

“I think I love you,” he said.

I’d been spacing off, staring into the night sky for what felt like hours. I could barely hear him over the engine, dropping this casual factoid like he was telling me our exit was up ahead. Normally, I’d poke him about the I think. What, you’re testing some hypothesis? You can’t just say “I love you?” But the way his beetle-shell eyes beamed out please say something, I knew I could joke later.

The breath caught in my throat. The wires in my head got all twisted up, sending little aftershocks of warmth all down my body. I turned from the windshield and reached for his hand, forcing his eyes up again.

“I love you,” I said.

I’d tossed Scarlett in the trunk. I wished I could wriggle back there, grab her, and ask Yusuf to say it again. I could record it and re-watch again and again, especially now that I’m stranded in the sand without him. But the moment was already gone.

18

COLLIDING

On a how fucked are we scale from one to ten, I guessed everyone in the Compound currently hovered around a million.