And of course I’ve never thought anyone knew me better than I did. So why would I need anything to promote “self-discovery”? What’s left to discover? Wait a minute. Charlotte accused me of being a control freak. And maybe she’s right. She basically said I was a manipulator, which I disagree with, but I do know how to get what I want. She said I’m bossy. And I can be. That I think I’m always right. Not true. I can admit when I’m wrong. That I feel I’m the only one who can get things done. I do not. In all honesty, by the time I explain the shit and wait to see if it’s done right and in a timely manner, half the time I could’ve done it faster and better myself. That’s just the way it is. But maybe I get on other peoples nerves, too. And not just hers. I’d also like to learn how not to care so much. So—the Smart Me understands that it wouldn’t hurt to find out why the Vulnerable-Scared-Lonely-Has-to-Be-Perfect-at-Everything Side of Me has been hiding with the swallow of every pill. I do want to return to my senses. I want to feel a sense of balance. I want to not have to be everything to everybody, and I also want to forgive myself for not being perfect. I just wonder if any of this stuff can really happen at a place like this. We’ll see.

When I hear a tap tap tap on my door, I’m wondering what Dingus is doing back so soon. It’s only nine-thirty. “Come in.”

He’s wearing his school colors: purple and gold. He walks over and kisses my forehead. “Are you feeling any better this morning?” he asks.

“As a matter of fact, I’m not.”

“I’m totally sorry, Ma. I couldn’t sleep, so I went over there early.”

“So what happened?”

“Her parents are pissed at both of us. They asked Jade if she was ready to be a mother.”

“And what did she say?”

“She said no, but it’s a price she’s willing to pay for making a mistake.”

“And what’d you say when they asked if you were ready to be a father, which I’m sure they did?”

“Her dad did. I basically said the same thing.”

“And?”

“And we talked about our college plans, our goals and stuff, like once we’re out in the real world, and . . .”

“And what?”

“She’s not having it.”

“You mean to tell me that a preacher’s daughter is going to have an abortion?”

“Yes.”

“How is that possible?”

“Because her parents said that times have changed. And, plus, they said Jade has plans. She’s got a three-point-eight-seven GPA.”

“So do you, dummy!”

“I know. And she’s been getting scholarship offers. She’s a very good writer. And wants to major in journalism.”

“Did you tell them what you want to do besides play football?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I told them I’m planning to go to med school. That I’m majoring in biology and chemistry.”