However, I am truly shocked, ashamed, and embarrassed when I realize that I’m weaker than I thought, because, after the housekeeper gives me a tour, and upon reaching the master bedroom, when the doorbell rings and Sophia excuses herself to go downstairs to answer it, I find myself rushing into the master bathroom and opening one of two medicine cabinets that look like shelves in a pharmacy, and I pass right over the Percodan, the Percocet, the Darvocet, as well as the antibiotics, Prozac, and Xanax, until I spot two giant bottles of Vicodin. I quickly open one and dump a pile into my palm and then drop them into my jacket pocket. I do the same thing with the other bottle and then close the medicine cabinet and walk out into the hallway. When Sophia comes back and asks if there’s anything I need, all I can think to say is that a glass of water would be nice.

Sinners

Me and Brenda went to church two weeks ago and she got saved. I was scared to death when she jumped up and threw both her arms over her head and balled up her fists and started boxing the air, and then she musta been doing that call-and-response business, ’cause she yelled back to the choir, “Yes, He is worthy!” I guess that song is what did it, ’cause, right before that, Reverend Xavier Jones had preached a hefty sermon about redemption and how good God is for forgiving us for our sins, and sweat was dropping down Brenda’s temples and tears was rolling from her eyes, but she didn’t move that much. The reverend broke it down so good that Brenda, and it seem like everybody else in there, started whooping and hollering, fanning fans, and moaning “Amen”s and “Hallelujah”s and “Thank you, Jesus”s, “He who died for our sins,” and what have you. Everybody probably except me. It take a lot to get me excited. I was moved, just not to the point of yelling, speaking in tongues, or jumping up and down. And before the reverend could finish calling folks up to join his congregation, when the choir started humming and singing in the background, Brenda was already up there, dropping to her knees. I could hear her crying and she was shaking her head back and forth so fast one a her hoop earrings flew off but she didn’t even notice. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she was saying. I wanted to tell her she ain’t got nothing to be sorry about, but I couldn’t go up there, ’cause I wasn’t feeling the Holy Spirit on this particular Sunday the way Brenda was, and if I was to go up there with her, I’da been faking it. And that ain’t a good thing to do in the House of the Lord. Some older woman wearing all pink wrapped her arm around Brenda and rocked her till she calmed down. Good thing the kids was in the next building in Little People’s Church, ’cause they wouldn’ta been able to handle watching their mama in such a state. It was hard for me, too. But when Brenda came back to her seat, she looked different. Like she just took a shower or something. All I know is when she took my hand and squeezed it, I felt closer to her at that one moment than I ever remember feeling with Viola.