“You sure? How do I know you’re not sneaking off? The night is still young, you know!”

Hmm, how do I get out of this without pulling out a karate move on this dickbag? “If I was leaving,” I begin to smirk, “I wouldn’t leave my purse behind, now would I?”

“Huh.” He looks me over. No purse in sight. He lets go. “I guess so. You BETTER come back, girl.”

“Yeah, whatever.” I sneak a glance at Yoshino, who winks back at me, and head to the washroom. It’s not a bad idea, going before the long train ride home.

Just as I walk out Kappa Garappa’s door, McDonald’s Man walks right into me. His face is bright red, his necktie is inches from sliding off his neck, and he stinks. I think he just finished throwing up outside. “And where do you think you’re going?!” he pretends to pout.

“Yeah, well, I kinda need food and rest to stay alive, so …”

“Aw, come on,” he repeats himself. “You ain’t going nowhere. Your night’s just getting started.”

“It’s a free country, pal.”

He lets out a barking laugh right in my face. The smell of vomit is strong enough to choke my good mood. “Since when?” he scoffs. “You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. This is Japan, not America!”

He wraps a strong, meaty arm around my waist and begins steering me back inside. That’s it. No one gets in my way when it comes to my bed and a hot meal. I swing my arm around and lock it against his so that the slightest twist of my body will pop his arm out of the socket. He laughs for a second, then cries out when I demonstrate that I’m fucking serious.

“And YOU,” I emphasize the word with a jerking motion, “are not in a position to tell me what to do, let alone put your freaking paws on me. And I’m Canadian, you drunk swot. Maple syrup, poutine, rainbow money, not to be trifled with. Got it?”

“OW! Okay, okay, I’m sorry!”

“I knew we could work this out.” I release him. He apologizes again, stumbling away. “You and your friends have a lovely, decadent evening.”

“Thanks … I think?”

Outside, I revel in the salty sea air. “Ha, ha!” I pose in triumph. No one’s around to see the wild gaijin girl laughing into the night. Not that I feel the least bit self-conscious right now. I’m just hungry.