“Maybe that’s not a good idea until Dr. Adler has cleared you. You shouldn’t be overexerting yourself. I’ll drop you off, grab some food, and when I come back you can help with my driftwood pieces in the garage. I have a couple of candleholders to varnish. You used to help me with my projects all the time.”

“Did I?”

“Yeah. We’d go to the beach and collect stuff together. Maybe we could go tomorrow if the doc says it’s okay. You know, start small, local to the house.”

I looked at her, a row of virtual pennies dropping one after the other, a metallic crescendo resounding in my head. “Hold on a sec. This is about Keenan, isn’t it? You don’t want me going to town in case I run into him.”

“Yes, that, too.” She turned away, put the pan in the sink and filled it with water as she continued talking over her shoulder. “But I’m more worried you’ll get overwhelmed and it’ll make things worse.”

“What if I—”

She whirled around. “No, Ash, please. This is hard for me, too, you know. I hate not knowing what happened to you. I thought...I thought you were dead. I’d almost accepted it. I mourned you.”

I saw her big gray eyes fill with tears as she bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. All this time I’d been focused on myself, how frustrated and angry I was at my memory being wiped clean. I hadn’t considered Maya for more than a few seconds. I tried to justify my selfishness somehow but couldn’t. I’d been treating her, the person who could provide me with many of the answers I was searching for, like utter shit. Seeing the dark shadows under her eyes now and hearing the edge in her voice...she probably hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in years, and that was all on me. I’d left. Abandoned her. Whoever I was in the past, I’d been an egotistical prick. I got up, and after hesitating a little, kissed the top of her head, noticing how her hair smelled of pine cones. “I wish I could explain everything that’s happened, but I can’t. Not yet.”

“I know,” she whispered, squeezing me hard.

Maya went upstairs to get ready for our trip to the doctor’s while I cleaned up the kitchen of a house in which I should’ve known every nook, cranny and squeaky floorboard, but where all felt unfamiliar and strange.