My head felt as if I’d stuck it inside a wind tunnel, all the words flying past at warp speed, none of them making it into my brain properly. I tried to process what she’d said. The music from the bar seemed to have increased tenfold, my messed-up brain incapable of separating or dealing with all the sounds and words and meanings. Lily must have made a mistake. Maybe she’d forgotten I’d ever mentioned Celine or Kate. Besides, wasn’t it normal for most people to keep relatively schtum about their exes? Except Celine had left, Kate had died, Keenan blamed me for both and I’d told Lily exactly zip about it all. And all that on top of never mentioning my stepsister. What the hell was wrong with me?

I felt my pulse racing in the side of my head, blood thundering in my ears. I’d gone out searching for answers but ended up worse off than before. It was late, I was tired, exhausted, actually, as the entire weight of the situation sank onto my shoulders like a couple of giant boulders.

“I should go,” I said.

“Shit. I’ve upset you—”

“No, it’s fine, but I should get back. Get some rest.”

“Can I still come by tomorrow morning?” she said quickly. “If you need to rearrange you can call the motel, or I gave Maya my number...”

Her voice sounded desperate, but as rude and cowardly as it was, I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to deal with it. That wasn’t the only thing, I realized, as I stood up. Another reason for leaving Lily there on the bench was because I didn’t want to have one of my angry outbursts in front of her. I didn’t want to disappoint her. “Of course. I’ll see you then,” I said, giving her a brief wave before walking away, back to the relative safety of the car.

The drive home took a lot less time than it should have, and when I got back to the house, I prepared to creep back upstairs. Impossible, because the lights were on, and when I got close enough to see in through the windows, I spotted Maya pacing the living room. As soon as I opened the front door, her hands went to her hips.

“Where the hell were you?” she shouted.

“I went for a drive. There’s a note in—”

“I saw. What the hell, Ash? I thought you’d crashed the car, or—”

“Obviously, I didn’t. I saw Lily and we had a chat.”

Her mouth was still open, but her words seemed to have dried up. She walked over, yanked the car keys from my hand and said, “And what did you two chat about?”

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business,” I said, about to brush past her and go upstairs but she grabbed hold of my arm.