‘Jack, I know you have good intentions, but you can’t make a promise to be there because there’s always a possibility that for one reason or another you might not be. Some things are beyond your control. And I’m sorry, but I’m just not prepared to risk it.’

He took a step back, his body tense now and his eyes dark with anger as he crossed his arms across his broad chest.

‘There’s more than one way to lose somebody, Lily. We’ve both been given a second chance at happiness here, and I can’t speak for you, but I know I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And you’re prepared to throw that all away?’

I looked away from him out to the garden that I’d always loved and that he had made even more beautiful. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes. I hated the accusatory tone in his voice because I knew that everything he said was true. But I couldn’t change how I felt and could only hope that one day he would understand and forgive me.

‘So what happens now? You’re just going to spend the rest of your life living in the shadows for fear of what might happen? You were spared that day, Lily. And if I could change the past for you and bring Mike back, I would, even though it would mean I’d never have had any of this with you, so believe me, that’s not something I take lightly.’ He flashed me a black look, his eyes like cold green emeralds.

‘I haven’t taken it lightly either.’

‘You could have fooled me.’ He strode across the room to the threshold, staring out at the garden. The dog hurried over to him and rested against his leg, a small questioning whimper the only sound to break the tension.

‘It’s all right, boy.’ Jack crouched down, making a fuss of him and soothing his upset.

‘None of us knows how much longer we have on this earth, Lily.’ Jack spoke, his back still to me. ‘That’s why we have to make the most of it. Every day could be our last but spending the whole time thinking about that means you never do anything and waste your life. I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through what you did, but you were spared, and you should be celebrating that, not hiding away. Not everyone gets this sort of chance for happiness so when it comes you need to grab it with both hands and not let go, no matter what.’

I stayed silent, my hands behind me gripping the cold, hard edge of the worktop to stop me running across the kitchen and into Jack’s arms. He didn’t understand, and I didn’t expect him to. I didn’t blame him for being angry. I was just as furious with myself, but the fear of losing him further down the line was more than I could bear.

When I didn’t reply, Jack turned and watched me for a second, then pushed his hands roughly back through his hair. ‘I was under the impression that this, us, meant as much to you as it did to me. I can see now that I was mistaken.’