29

Jack walked through the open back door, the air scented with blossoms, lavender and honeysuckle drifting in. He made his way towards me, smiling as though he hadn’t seen me in ages, as he always did. It gave me the most wonderful feeling of contentment. Except tonight was different.

I took a step backwards and he halted in his tracks, the smile fading.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I can’t do this.’

‘Do what?’ He asked the question, but his face told me he already knew the answer.

‘This. Us.’

‘Since when?’ His voice took on a hard edge and the green eyes I loved so much lost their warmth.

‘I think we both got caught up in something. The premiere, living on top of one another… we just got carried away. I think we both know that.’

‘I don’t know that at all. I think it’s entirely the opposite. I think we both waited until we were absolutely sure.’ He took a step towards me. ‘You know this is right, Lily. I know you do.’ He took my hand. ‘I know the accident freaked you out and I’m so sorry about that, but I’m fine. The hospital confirmed it with scans. I don’t know what else to say.’

‘This time,’ I said, pulling away from him and putting more space between us. If I didn’t do that, I couldn’t carry on with what I knew needed to be done. ‘You were all right this time.’

‘There won’t be a next time. It was just an accident.’

‘A freak accident!’ I cried, repeating the phrase I’d not been able to shake from the moment the builder had said it. ‘A freak accident, just like Mike’s death was a freak accident, and yours could have been just as serious. You were lucky this time. I can’t deal with having to hear those words again – there’s been an accident. Next time, it might…’ I couldn’t finish the sentence.

‘You don’t need to think about that, Lily. You can’t think about that all the time. None of us would do anything if all we considered were the risks. I thought you were happy?’

‘I am happy. So happy, but don’t you see? That’s the whole point. I can’t risk it again. I can’t risk losing this happiness.’

‘Lily, I’m not going anywhere.’

‘You can’t say that! You don’t know! It’s not up to us, is it? Mike told me the same thing. He promised he would never leave me and then I lost him. You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.’

‘Lily.’ Jack took a step towards me and when I tried to step back, I bumped into the countertop. He was close now. Too close. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and never let him go. To feel safe, pressed against his solid, reassuring bulk and feel cared for and loved like I had in the past few weeks, something I’d never thought I would feel again. But I couldn’t. I knew the longer I was with Jack the harder I would fall, and I was already well in over my head. It would be painful to stop this now but having it ripped away at some point down the line was too unbearable to even consider.