‘Jack?’ There was no reply, so I pushed the door open a little more. It was empty. All his things were gone and the room once again looked like just another guest room instead of Jack’s room. The duvet was folded on the end of the bed and it was then I noticed a note, together with the keys to the house and the studio.

Lily, have made other arrangements, think that is best. Sheets etc in washing machine. Look after yourself and Clive. Jack.

I read the note three times before sitting heavily on the bed, staring out of the window across the beautiful countryside, not seeing any of it.

30

With Jack gone, each twenty-four hours seemed to stretch for far longer, the days and nights dragging out without the distraction of his company, his smile, his love. I went to bed early in an attempt to shorten the long days, but all that succeeded in doing was to lengthen the nights.

I looked down at the dog, who was now ensconced in his upstairs bed, snoring contentedly, completely oblivious that he was the one thing that kept me from tumbling back down to the absolute depths of sadness, despair and loneliness I once had before.

Summer turned to autumn and, although I took Clive out for his daily walk, I couldn’t appreciate the changing season, the burnished gold and bronze leaves fluttering to the ground and collecting around our feet. Clive had finally stopped looking for Jack every time we came into the house, but he’d become more clingy to me since Jack had left, as though afraid I would disappear too. If my heart hadn’t already been shattered, the fact that I’d hurt this beautiful, innocent animal would have destroyed it again. All I could do was reassure him that I wasn’t going anywhere, just as Jack had tried to reassure me of the same thing. The dog would look at me with big brown soulful eyes and then rest his head on whatever part of my body was nearest with a big sigh. I wasn’t sure if he understood any of it, but I hoped he at least got the gist. Felix and Poppy had tried to help, but both they and I knew there was nothing to say. I’d made a choice and had to live with it. One time, when I couldn’t stop myself, I asked them how Jack was doing. Poppy had looked unusually grave and shook her head.

‘Not great. He’s working every hour that he can. The children and I have barely seen him either.’

‘I’m so sorry that I put you all in the middle of this. That was never my intention.’

She laid a hand on my arm. ‘We know that and I’m sure Jack will come around when he’s able. He adores his godchildren too much to stay away for long, but I think he just needs to get his head in the right place.’

I thought I had been saving myself from hurt, but the pain of losing Jack, even by my own volition, was still as raw now as the day he’d left. I’d hurt him badly, but I’d also hurt my family and even my dog. Time heals all wounds, so they say. I wasn’t so sure about that but could only hope that in this case it would be true.