“Every relationship I’ve ever had has fallen apart. Every relationship he’s ever been in has broken up.”

“Except Sam.”

“Who just vanished on him.”

“But—”

“Mona, let me ask you this,” I said. “How often do you get together with your exes?”

She pulled a face. “Like, never.”

“Exactly. I don’t want that to happen with me and Geordie, and I know he feels the same.”

“But what if it didn’t?”

“Do you ever see the girls he goes out with?” Before she could answer, I did for her. “They’re all gorgeous. Mother Crone’s a knockout. Tanya’s a movie star. And remember Sam?”

“You’re gorgeous, too.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m old and broken.” I lifted a hand to stop her before she could argue what was such an obvious and plain fact. “I’m not saying oh poor me. It’s just how it is. And I can live without a guy in my life. Trust me. It can be a real relief sometimes.”

“I guess. It just seems sad.”

“It doesn’t have to be. I’ve got a bunch of great friends. And I’ve gotten to the point where I’m pretty much comfortable in my own skin, even if some parts are a bit worn out and don’t work as well as they should anymore.”

Mona gave me a slow nod. “And you can’t force love anyway.”

“Nor can you plan for it. It happens or it doesn’t.”

Mona picked up the half-full wine bottle, but I laid my hand over the top of my glass.

“No more for me,” I said. “I don’t even know if I can get out of my wheelchair with all I’ve had tonight.”

“I can help.”

“You should stay over,” I said.

“I’m not drunk.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Which one of you?” she asked, grinning. Mona fell asleep almost immediately, but I lay awake for a long time on my side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I didn’t think about it often, but Mona had put it in my head and the wine wouldn’t let it go away.

Geordie.

How different would our lives have been if we had gotten together all those years ago?

And if we were to get together now, could we make it work?

I wasn’t ever going to find out because it wasn’t something I’d ever ask him. But I couldn’t help thinking about it now as I lay here, trying to sleep.

Hand Me Down My Fiddle

Lizzie