I’m like most people in that regard. I don’t do things that are foolhardy or take unnecessary risks just for the sake of taking them. But I’ll stand up to anybody—for myself, for my friends, for whoever needs me to. I don’t abide bullies and when I finally broke free of the cycle of abuse, I vowed that I’d never let myself fall into it again.

But talking to Mattie, being here, all my brave words and stances have been stripped away and I find myself sucked into the mindless, abject terror that held me as a little kid, waiting in my bedroom to be hurt again. I hope you never have to know that kind of fear. It’s not even the knowledge of the pain to come. It’s being so helpless. So powerless. It’s knowing that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, it’s not going to make any difference, because the person hurting you is bigger than you, and way stronger, and they just don’t care. Or rather, they care for the wrong reasons. Your whimpering and crying makes it better for them.

I’m not quite in that head space yet, alone here in this forest, imagining some aspect of my brother Del about to appear from behind any tree, but I’m close. Way too close.

And I really, really hate it.

I hate how my mind’s betrayed me, reverting me back to a helpless child like this.

And it’s not even real. All of this . . . Mattie, the bear, Del—if it is him terrorizing Mattie—none of it’s even real.

Except that’s the kicker, isn’t it? Here in the otherworld, it all can be real. And I’m stuck dealing with it.

And there’s no point crying about how it isn’t fair. Just like when my body betrayed me after the accident.

Oh, I don’t mean I should have recovered more than I have—not when you consider the damage I sustained getting hit by that car. Given how badly I was hurt, I’m doing better than the doctors expected.

But I know people in magical places, by which I mean healers. Big-time magic workers. They could have helped me recover so that I’m not this Broken Girl the way I am back in the World As It Is. But my body won’t cooperate with them because it turns out that where I’m really a Broken Girl is inside. All these healers, Joe told me, can’t do a thing until I fix the thing that’s wrong inside of me.

I thought I had. When I reconciled with Raylene. When I came to terms with my having run away from that house of horrors and leaving her to take my place. I didn’t know that was going to happen, but I should have.