So, I called Finn and asked him if he’d come help me set up some traps today. He could’ve done it alone—it’s his job to be on the field during winter season—but I couldn’t stand staying inside with more sets of numbers for another day, so I joined him.

I return to my trap installation, trying to keep my mind focused for once. However, the snow crunching beside me tells me Finn hasn’t moved.

“So?” he repeats once I’m done and am back on my feet.

Wiping the snow off my knees, I say, “So what?”

“So, what’s up with you, dumbass?”

“Nothing,” I answer as I grab another trap and walk away to install it somewhere else. I need to work on a better poker face. Finn will never let me off the hook if he can always tell when I’m conflicted.

“Oh, don’t feed me that bullshit.” He follows behind me.

I sigh.

When I don’t answer, he says, “It’s about her, isn’t it?”

Eyes closing, I stop in my tracks.

Yes, this is about her. When has anything not been about her? It’s like I can’t remember a time when she didn’t occupy my every thought. When I woke up in the morning and my first thought wasn’t, I hope I see Wren today.

But now, it’s even more difficult than before. Because now I got to feel her.

I got to kiss her, to inhale her moans and swallow her cries. And fuck me, I can’t take my mind away from it. Her taste is imprinted in my head.

It’s been three days since we had sex, and I haven’t heard from her yet. I haven’t texted her either. She needs to know that if she wants something more, she’ll need to be the one to make a move. I wouldn’t want her to feel pressured to see me again, especially after what I did.

God, I still can’t believe Saturday happened. That she gave me this part of herself, and that I actually accepted it. She deserved so much better for a first time. She deserved for the guy she was with to actually know it was her first time, goddammit. But how was I supposed to know? With a girl so fearless, so beautiful, so sharp as Wren, it never even occurred to me that she might not have done this before, especially once she suggested we start casually fucking.

And yet, it had happened. She’d kept silent as I entered her, even though she was in pain. If I’d known, I would’ve been so much gentler.

God, I’d rarely hated myself that much.