“Three,” I grit through my teeth.

And so it goes until we reach twenty, and my voice is steady and my ears are no longer ringing and his hands no longer feel like a weapon fit to break my neck.

“You good?” he says, dropping his hands, easing back onto his haunches.

I nod stiffly.

He casts an unreadable look at the guy sprawled half-across my lap. “So this is a thing.”

Not a question.

“Don’t tell Mason,” I rush out in a single breath.

His brow furrows as he swings his startled gaze to mine.

Shit, where did that come from?

My throat tightens. “Please.”

He blinks. His forehead wrinkling with a frown.

“Look, this isn’t exactly what you think it is,” I say, my voice strained.

His eyebrows spike.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, okay?” I say meaningfully. My eyes burn as I glare at him with desperation and something I can’t name. “I. Don’t. Know.”

Understanding has his features hardening even more. A deep sort of sadness dances across his eyes, mixing with the ever-present shadows. It’s more emotion than I think I’ve ever seen from him, and for the first time ever, I think maybe, just maybe, he’s actually seeing me and not the dumbass he just puts up with for Mason’s sake.

I lick my lips and look down at Will’s relaxed face. “I don’t know.”

Shawn releases a long breath. Then, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

I wince slightly. Is that what this is?

I hear more than see as Shawn pushes to a stand. Vision blurring as I stare unblinkingly down at the boy in my arms, I wait as Shawn’s footsteps cross the room.

“Way?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t let him win.”

I frown, thinking he means Will.

I look up at him through my lashes to find Shawn leveling me with a knowing look. Like he sees right the fuck through me. Like maybe he always has, but just needed this one final piece to get the whole picture.

It’s a disarming feeling to say the least, and has me wanting to yell at him. Rage at him. It’s not what he thinks, I’m not gay. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not—

“This is your life. The only one you’ve got. Don’t let that asshole win. If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

And with that, he gives two short, quiet raps to the door with his fist before walking away.

Struck silent and feeling a million different ways, I look down at Will’s face. His nose wrinkles and he mutters something I can’t make out before settling once more.

“The only one you’ve got.”