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Back Where There's A Will Save as PDF
Chapters (39)
  1. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  2. PROLOGUE
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. 16
  19. 17
  20. 18
  21. 19
  22. 20
  23. 21
  24. 22
  25. 23
  26. 24
  27. 25
  28. 26
  29. 27
  30. 28
  31. 29
  32. 30
  33. 31
  34. 32
  35. 33
  36. Interlude
  37. Acknowledgements
  38. Content Warning
  39. About the Author

But it’s no use. It’s never any use. Not when it comes to us. The black is pulling and pulling and pulling.

We breathe into one another, soft, slow, even breaths.

“Please don’t hate me,” I murmur against his lips. The last thing I recall.

And then, against mine, just as sleep drags me under, I feel, “I’m sorry.”

19

19

Waylon McAllister

The blades of the ceiling fan cut shadows across the ceiling.

I watch through bleary eyes and shallow breaths as night crawls toward morning.

The storm has long passed, leaving only the soft pattering of rain against the window.

At some point, the power flickers to life once more. About time the back-up generators kicked on, I think distantly, just as the music picks up where it left off, halfway through Alice in Chains’ “Nutshell.”

My eyes feel swollen and crusty with dried tears. I can’t be sure when I last blinked. Did I sleep at all? Everything feels...fuzzy.

I’m on my back with Will sprawled out half on top of me. His head’s tucked under my chin, and his arm is thrown over my chest. Soft, hot puffs of air tickle my throat, dampening the skin.

Will mumbles something under his breath. His hold on me tightens. It’s as if he senses it too. Feels the sun’s rays creeping over the horizon, alerting us to the new day.

Our time is up.

A voice in the back of my head tells me it doesn’t have to be this way. I could have this. I could have him. This doesn’t have to end. Please, please, please.

I grit my teeth and turn my head, watching the light begin to peek through the window. Chasing away the dark that held us under its spell only seconds, minutes, hours ago.

If only that tempting voice didn’t have to compete with the one slowly, but surely, rearing its ugly head back up right along with the fucking sun, as images from a time better left forgotten start flooding my head.

I can’t, I can’t, don’t make me, please—

Will stretches out his leg, slinging it over me, and I feel his flaccid cock slide along my stomach. I stiffen. Bile rushing up my throat.

“You see that? Look how disgusting they are. You don’t want that, do you? Open your eyes, boy! You close them and we’ll just start all over...”

Oh God. Oh God, what did I do?

Flashes of the night before rush forward at rapid-speed, converging with the memories I’ve tried so hard to bury. My eyes burn as I dart my panicked gaze around.

It’s not like I don’t remember last night. It’s not like I didn’t fucking want it.

I just—

I can’t—

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck—