Blood rushes loudly in my ears, nearly drowning out his next words.

“My will to live. That was on me and only me. I could end it at any moment. It’s the one thing he couldn’t control. Couldn’t touch. The only thing that was in my hands. So long as I had the will to make it through another day, I’d be okay. There would still be a me. A Way.”

He taps his knuckle.

Oh God...

“There’re a lot of meanings behind this symbol, but that’s the one I chose for myself. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

And my heart...

It.

Just.

Explodes.

There’s no other word to describe it.

Whatever was left of it...is just gone. I am gone.

So. Far. Fucking. Gone.

Waylon smiles faintly, a dimple peeking out just barely. “Told you it was cheesy.”

Eyes burning, I don’t think, I just reach forward and gently circle his wrist with my fingers. I pause, waiting for him to flinch back or shove me away, but he goes still. So still, I wonder if I should check his pulse while I’m here to make sure I didn’t kill him.

Maybe I should check my own while I’m at it. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure he just took a fucking anvil to my chest.

“Can I?” I whisper softly, giving his arm a little tug.

I hear the loud click of his swallow, and then he’s letting me take his hand in mine.

I stroke my thumb over his knuckle, smoothing over it, before tracing the black marking with just the blunt tip of my nail.

“A Way,” I murmur. Glancing up, I search his flushed face.

“I know I scared you last night,” he says deeply. “But I don’t need you to save me, okay?” he says in a small voice. He searches my gaze. “I can’t promise much else, but I can promise that. Just...give me a chance to do this myself. Okay?”

I wipe my free hand over my mouth and look away, terrified of what he might see.

I’m the first to let go this time.

He doesn’t fight me like the night of the storm, and I’d be a fucking liar if I didn’t say a part of me wished he’d stop me. Grab me. Assure me this isn’t an ending, but a beginning.

But he doesn’t. And I never expected him to.

And I know it’s for the best. Because I meant it last night when I promised myself this was over...whatever this is.

We’re no good for each other.

Not right now.

Not like this.

I suck in my cheek and twist around, grabbing the rolled up brown paper bag. “Can I see your lighter?”

He hesitates, but then a lime green BIC lighter appears in front of my face.