Then it began to speed up. She was on a treadmill, and some manic personal trainer was pressing the faster button. Faster, faster, faster. There were the seven blessings read by Grant’s seven sets of aunts and uncles. It was so perfect, they’d said when doling out the roles. So fitting.

She was fidgeting. She wasn’t paying attention to her own wedding ceremony. She took one hand from Grant’s and sank it into the pocket she’d had added to her gown. She felt for her evil eye charm. Her lungs sucked in air.

There was Grant’s friend Evan coming forward with the rings. They didn’t have nephews to take on the ring bearer role, so Evan was the anointed ring bearer. There had been a lot of inappropriately old ring bearer jokes. The rings meant the ceremony was almost over, didn’t it?

With this ring, you are consecrated unto me.

The metal was cold as it slid onto her finger. What did consecrated unto me even mean?

As my husband.

Grant’s hand flashed with his new bling. The bling that was because of her.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and grant you peace.

Peace. Joey felt like crying at the word peace.

Amen.

There was rain pummeling the stained-glass windows. There was the glass on the ground wrapped in a linen napkin. Oh God, there was the glass, and when it broke—

Grant stomped his foot onto the napkin. There was an unmistakable crunch.

Mazel Tov!

Grant reached over to kiss her.

They were husband and wife.

*  *  *

Joey was struggling to get up when she heard a man’s voice. Which was strange, because what she was struggling to get up from was a toilet in the women’s bathroom. “Jonesey!”

“Leo! Wha…Leo?” The door to the stall flew open. Instinctively, Joey crossed her arms over her chest. “Leo! I’m on the toilet.”

“Well, are you going?”

“No, I’m not going. I’m just trying to get all the pieces pulled back into place. You can’t imagine how many contraptions and buttons there are.”

He seemed to focus on her and her getup. “You look so beautiful, Jonesey.”

“I’m on a toilet, Leo.”

“You’re the most beautiful girl on a toilet I’ve ever seen.”

“How many girls on toilets have you seen?” Joey’s head was buzzing.

“Jonesey, can we talk? Before you get married, like, can we really talk?” Leo was wearing a suit, yes, but it was all crinkled, like he’d pulled it out of a suitcase without time for a steam. His hair was damp and rumpled to one side with a cowlick sticking up. He looked like a man who’d just gotten laid while wearing this suit. Maybe he had just gotten laid.

Why was Leo in the women’s bathroom?

Why did Leo think she wasn’t already married?

“Leo, I’m—”