“Literally right into him.” Joey laughed.

“He’s a doctor,” confided G to Doris. “A dermatologist.”

“Oh, my.” A knowing glance passed between them.

Joey stifled a laugh as her mother rapped on the microphone again. “Attention, attention, please.”

“What now?” said Joey, since she’d already opened presents, and Bea had already delivered a lengthy and meandering speech that Joey had endured with her fists clenched at her sides. Siya shrugged, not looking up from her bloated ribbon thing.

When the room had quieted, Bea said, “I just have one final gift to present.” Joey saw a stand had appeared, along with that thing Sanjeep had lugged out of a closet. It looked like a canvas. With a flourish, Bea unveiled it.

Oh shit. Joey froze.

“Is it…a flower?” Doris squinted.

“Is it a mountain?” asked G. “That’s quite a beautiful mountain.” G leaned forward so far that her chair tipped, and Joey somehow grasped her faculties fast enough to right the chair.

Oh no. Oh no.

“It’s a vagina,” explained Bea, but Joey had already put together the pink and red and oh, she couldn’t look. She wished for sunglasses. She wished to disappear.

All Joey could do was whisper, “You painted me a vagina?”

“Your vagina,” said Bea, as the restaurant filled with nervous laughter. “Well, of course it’s not your wedding gift. That’s the wedding, from your father and me. This is just sentimental, sweetheart. I know your vagina, of course. I gave birth to you.”

“Ah!” said Sanjeep, and Joey gave an involuntary glug as she saw him try to absorb it all. “Brilliant! Bea, how about that, you are very talented, I did not know—”

“I thought you could present it to Grant.” Bea paced the room now. “You aren’t giving your vagina to him, of course. That belongs only to you. Remember that, Joey. You own your vagina. But if you have a fight, or you’re out of town. Or if you have babies. It will never look this fresh. See the depth I was able to create.” Bea appraised her work with a look of satisfaction. “It took a long time to shade the labia…”

“It’s…lovely, darling,” said G with a loving but dubious look to her.

Bea said in that tight tone she reserved only for G, “Lovely is a little…condescending for this piece, Mother.”

Bea smiled at Joey, as if she actually believed Joey would accept the vagina thing as a peace offering. Joey felt the silence in the room get louder, awaiting her reaction.

“Thanks, Mom. It’s…fab.”

“Mic drop,” said Siya, and plopped something atop Joey’s head. A ribbon flopped into her mouth.

Joey spit out the ribbon and pressed her fingers into her temples. “Total mic drop.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Joey

Florida
2019

They found themselves in a sea of blenders and mixers and one extremely odd vagina painting.