She smiled the moment she opened the door. She could see Amanda curled up with Caleb, watching Finding Dory. Again. She scanned the rest of the great room.

“She’s been in her room for a while,” Amanda said in a hushed tone. “You should probably check on her.”

She wanted to tell Amanda to check on Gretchen herself, but she noticed how peaceful Caleb was. Nothing was worth more than that. The closer she got to Gretchen’s room, the more commotion she started to hear. When Jax poked her head into the bedroom, she immediately wanted to retreat.

“I’m fine,” Gretchen said without ever turning to Jax. “I just still can’t believe this is what I’ve been choosing to wear.”

She had to laugh at that. She could still remember the start of Gretchen’s evolution from carefree boho stunner to professional woman who wore her maturity on her very monochromatic and buttoned-up sleeve. “You did turn to a more office chic look over the years.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jax shook her head, dumbfounded, and stepped into the room. She shut the door behind her. “For what?”

“For changing so much. For becoming this.” Gretchen held up the sleeve of a tan blazer.

“You didn’t—” Jax couldn’t bring herself to lie. “You’re not the only one who changed.” Jax could only see Gretchen’s back, but she could feel her sadness. You didn’t love someone for over fifteen years and not learn every nuance of their behavior, or how their heart reacted to shock and pain.

Gretchen tossed the blazer aside. “Except you didn’t drive me to fall for someone else.” Jax wanted to explain that everything was so much more complicated than that, but Gretchen kept talking. “What was it about Meredith? I know you well enough to know it wasn’t about age or looks.”

Jax got angry in an instant, but she wasn’t entirely sure anger was really what she felt anymore. She was sad and broken, and even a little embarrassed. “Age and looks had nothing to do with anything, ever,” Jax admitted quietly.

“Yeah. You’re not like me with left-handed women.”

Jax laughed, surprising herself. Gretchen hadn’t joked about her odd fetish in years. “They’ll turn your head every time, even though you’re married to one.” Jax nearly choked on the words, wanting to correct herself for speaking so presently of their marriage.

“So what was it?” Gretchen said, turning to Jax. Her eyes were full of tears and her tone held no malice.

“We talked a lot when you weren’t around. She asked about my day and really cared and listened. She’s very kind and…” Jax looked at the hardwood floor. The distance between her and Gretchen felt like a mile. Shame kept her from continuing to talk.

“Everything I wasn’t.”