“Nothing, nothing. I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the dog!”

26

Thursday, July 1:

Losing Diesel

Our flip-flops keep slapping, but I can’t talk to Morgan anymore. I’ve got nothing left to say. Luanne settles back into a deeper sleep.

Diesel stops and whines suddenly. I look in the direction he’s looking. Ahead of us the dock stretches into the lake. Approaching it is broad-shouldered, good-looking Simon. He’s holding Su-Ling’s hand.

I groan and put my head in my hand.

“He’ll drop her by September, don’t worry. You’ll get another chance.”

“Did you not hear me? Shut up!”

Diesel barks. Wiener Girl should be part of the pack.

“I don’t care! She’s not!” Again, I say that out loud.

Morgan stops walking, tilts her head, and squints at me. “Are you all right?”

“No!” I start running and then stumble to my knees.

Diesel barks a few times. Come swim!

I feel too miserable to look up. Everything is going wrong. I’m never going to grow tall enough to be anything but a peanut to the kids at school. But worse than that, Dad and Mom are never getting back together. Morgan was right.

Diesel keeps barking. Swimming birds. I will catch one for us. Then I hear a splash and another and another. “Diesel, no!” Morgan calls, and finally I get up.

“Come back, Diesel!” I yell after him.

A couple of fat green mallards bob along the waves. Diesel gallops through the water toward them. But his funnel collar fills up with water. He doesn’t seem to realize it right away. He paddles a few metres from shore and then a wave tosses him over.

He yelps. Neck thing hurts!

“Diesel, get out of there!”

He rights himself. His legs churn and he continues following the ducks. Farther and farther out. But the collar pulls his head down.

I can’t stay up.

“Diesel!” I scream.

“Naomi, we have to help him.” Morgan parks the stroller at the water’s edge, then tears off her shirt and shorts.

I stand frozen. She doesn’t understand. I can’t go out there. I will be acting out my death scene a second time. Only this time, Diesel and I will both drown.

“Let’s jump off the dock. We’ll reach him faster.” Morgan doesn’t even wait. She starts running.

I look at the waves. If anything they are higher than the first time. The sailboats are white specks in the distance. Nobody else stands on the dock. I look to the shore for help. Simon and Su-Ling sit on the patio of Zorba’s sipping umbrella drinks, not looking our way. I check on Luanne. Still deep asleep.

My watch flashes 4:30 as always. No time left if I want to save Diesel. I pull off my shorts and top and chase after Morgan.

Diesel flounders in the waves. He doesn’t bark or yelp, but I hear his thoughts. So tired. Can’t stay up anymore. Must catch swimming bird.

Morgan’s feet pound on the dock. “Hurry, Naomi!”