I sank. The water was calm and I sat on the bottom, believing I could breathe it. I could live there. A magic blue sea world. I never wanted to come back up. But Dad ripped me out of that world after I choked on my first breath of it. Back on land, I coughed out all the water. “You have to stretch your arms and kick your legs, Naomi!”

Is that all it takes? Last September, I couldn’t make my legs and arms work at the same time. Coordination. “Puny and clumsy.” Morgan shook her head and rolled her eyes. But I’m almost a whole year older now. Maybe things have changed. I slosh through the water toward the dock, ready to try.

Morgan scrambles up on the dock. “Let’s jump together.” She holds out a dripping wet hand.

I shake my head. Not going to trust her. No free ice cream, and she for sure stole that Popsicle, too. Under my own steam, I climb onto the dock and walk to the edge. From this angle the lake looks as though it reaches toward eternity.

“I’ll catch you,” Simon teases from the water. Big-armed Simon holds me in his eyes, smiling. He makes all the girls love him like that. Even peanuts like me.

I wait some more. And watch as all the kids climb up and leap.

Morgan jumps in a third time.

Should I do it, too? It looks so easy.

I can feel the motion in the dock. I hear a rumble. Rock against a post? Thunder in the sky?

I inhale deeply. Thick, heavy, hot air. Morgan waves to me. She swims to shore. I jump.

I never close my eyes or pinch my nose. As I hit the icy water, my breath freezes to my heart. A wave flings me upside down and white bubbles rush up all around me. Down, down through the murky dark. The back of my head knocks against a rock. Ow! I tumble over. Which way is up?

Hurry, you have to get air. Something pounds hard and fast inside me. Maybe I can breathe down here, the four-year-old inside me says. No, no, no! You have to get real air. I see brighter grey in one direction and flap my arms and legs to get to it.

They still don’t work together.

Lines of fire shoot down the inside of my chest. Need to breathe, soon. Finally, my nose breaks through the water. Then my mouth. I gasp. Whomp! Another wave flings me under. No chance to grab that breath.

I push one arm through the water. My hand reaches for the sky, my fingers clawing desperately in the air. Another wave hits me hard like a punch. I sink again. The fire licks at my throat now.

I kick my legs hard and break the surface again, mouth first.

I open it to catch a breath and yell for help but instead — whoosh! — water floods into my mouth.