My heart hammers. Those words sound familiar. I know I’ve heard them before. Or something close to them. Keeping Luanne at home with someone who loves her gives me such peace of mind. Just a little different. My déjà vu, or déjà vécu, seems to be shifting. I take a couple of deep breaths. Maybe I can change destiny, if that’s what that drowning was all about.

I’ll start with the most important thing. Everything else can go the same, but Diesel can’t die. I won’t let him. I’ll keep him away from Smart Cars — heck, from any motorized vehicles. What’s the point of having this kind of vision if I can’t change the most vital part of my future?

“You do look a little off. Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Aunt Cathie asks.

I nod. “We’ll watch television and Luanne will go for a nap. I’ll be fine.”

Dad offers to drive Aunt Cathie, too, which is a good thing. Two bus fares saved; so many pennies earned. I grab Luanne’s hand and lead her to the window to watch them leave. Dad unlocks the car doors and they all climb in, Mom in the front and Aunt Cathie in the back.

“Woof!” Diesel jumps up, leaning his front paws on the window ledge. The alphas of our pack are leaving!

“It’s okay. They’ll be back.” Sounds like I’m explaining to Luanne as I hoist her up on my hip, holding her hand and waving it at the tempo of Diesel’s wagging tail. Sounds almost sane. I watch out the window, hoping for some kind of sign that things will be all right. Better, even. I knock at the glass, wanting Mom and Dad to see us. Maybe Mom will chuckle and nudge Dad. They’ll share a moment. If they do, I’ll know I can save them, too.

Then I see my sign. The corners of Mom’s lips turn up. Who can resist Luanne’s chubby arm and dimpled hand raised in the air? Not Mom. She smiles a full-toothed grin. She turns to Dad and points back at us. It even looks like she’s laughing. I wish I could hear her through the two panes of glass separating us.

But Dad will be able to, that’s the main thing. Dad taps the horn and Luanne squeals and kicks her legs happily.

“Things are looking up, Diesel, I can tell. Maybe we can bring Mom and Dad together again. You and me.”

Alpha Male and Alpha Female fight. But we should not exile our alpha. Diesel gives a long one-note whine, inside my head or out, I can’t tell which.

I pat him. “Nothing we can do about that this minute. For now, let’s just go and watch some TV.”

5

Friday, June 25:

Playing It Safe

After spending some of his severance money from the steel company on a giant-screen TV, Dad got Uncle Leo to help him secretly set it up in the basement. On the morning of their anniversary, Dad cozied up to Mom as she opened her card. “A theatre room?” she squealed. I thought she was loving it.