“They’re day-olds from Mom’s work.” I stand up and pour her a glass from the fridge.

“Don’t get me wrong.” She shrugs her shoulders as I hand it to her. “They’re still tasty.” She takes a couple more bites and washes them down with the milk. “We have to take the brat with us to the mall, don’t we?”

“Well, Diesel can’t watch her. But never mind, I don’t have any money.” I eat the last bit of my own apple walnut muffin. “How am I supposed to buy a new bathing suit?”

Morgan chews. “Your college fund,” she says around her muffin.

I squint at her.

“Don’t look at me like that. This is an investment in your future. Your happiness. Wait till I tell you.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Just so happens I invited the cool girls to a little pool get-together tomorrow night.” Morgan gives me her full-toothed grin.

“You did what?” Diesel barks a warning, and I lower my voice. “Who?”

“Tara, Francesca, Brenna, and Su-Ling.” She squeals then, very un-Morgan like. “They said yes!”

The ones who, in my other world, didn’t notice me drowning at the dock. I frown, sand-in-my-teeth irritated. “Are you even allowed?”

“Why not? It’s only a few people. Using the pool helps the water circulate, and think of it, if we get in with the cool girls, our high school year is made.”

Then I do stop and imagine these girls as friends. Will I even be alive for September? Especially if I never learn to swim?

But if they really see and take notice of me, I should be safe even if I fall in the water at some dock. Which I will never go near if I can help it. Those girls won’t let a friend drown, will they? Soda-pop bubbles of excitement fizz inside me. To have them on my side when others hurl balls at me in gym class or call me pipsqueak and peanut. The cool girls. I can be one of them. I will really be alive then. I sigh.

Morgan takes the last muffin. “Can your mom score us some donuts for the party?”

“You said a few people. Don’t think she’ll let me go to a party. Not if there’s no parents.”

“See how perfect? You wanting a sleepover tomorrow? She won’t know.”

“But I need to learn how to swim. I don’t have a lot of time left, Morgan. We can’t go shopping today.”

“Your whole life you didn’t learn, and suddenly now you’re in a rush?” She sighs. “We’ll go over early tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe with a new bathing suit, you’ll have a breakthrough.”

A new bathing suit. My mouth puckers. Even before Dad moved out, I found it hard to spend money. Saving seemed like something that could keep us from falling apart. Mom and Dad would still be together if he hadn’t spent so much. But medical school seems far away now, and my bathing suit is dorky and worn out. I can’t let anyone else see me in it.