“Muir,” he said. “I can’t ever know how hard every day has been for you, every hour, your whole life. I would do anything to be able to go back and make it right for you. It’s insane; it’s unfathomable, every kid and parent who was so screwed over. I wish— I honestly understand adoption isn’t a magic answer for any of it; I get that. But I mean—were you stolen?”

“I don’t— She couldn’t keep me, she didn’t have the help she needed. Or maybe—okay, she might not have wanted to keep me, she maybe didn’t even know she was pregnant; none of it matters. It’s all beside the point; I don’t want to be someone’s legally obligated anything. I can’t be trapped. I’m not here to be kept until I’m an inconvenience.”

He looked so sad. “Francine would never do that to you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because…she wouldn’t. She doesn’t want to trap you; you could never be an ‘inconvenience.’ ”

“You don’t know that. I won’t survive if I let her—if I stay and get used to her taking care of me—it’s already happening! The food and house and she sticks up for me, she’s…” My throat was burning. “It won’t work out and I’ll be dependent and unprepared for life alone and I’ll be heartbroken because I love Terry Johnson so much. I love him. I’ll be so lonely without him. I love him, I do….” He put his arms around my heaving shoulders.

“I know you love…Terry Johnson. Terry Johnson knows you love him. Trust me. Terry knows you’re not able to tell him. Terry Johnson understands that better than anyone. Terry Johnson has never wanted to adopt anyone before you. I know, because I would have heard about it. Terry Johnson just…loves you.”

I tried hard to stop crying.

“I’m not trying to convince you to depend on anyone. On me,” he said.

“Too late.”

“Do you believe I love you?”

I wished he would stop saying that. I wished he would say it again.

“I believe you think you do,” I said.

He stood up.