The foster mom got the wrong idea. She loved my housekeeping prowess, my good grades that kept her out of meetings with teachers and social workers, my squirreling away allowance money so I never asked for field trip money or bus fare. She misinterpreted my well-honed survival techniques as affection for her. I was home sick from school one day, alone in the bedroom, and she came in to sit on the edge of the bed and smile. She handed me a tiny gift-wrapped box.

A brass key.

“To the closet,” she said. “You could use it for your clothes! This whole room would be yours, just for you.” I knew what was coming. I thanked this woman very much, expressed my gratitude for all she and the man had done for me over the past four months, and politely refused her offer of adoption.

She was still crying when the man came home that afternoon. His voice, loud enough to make sure I heard him, echoed from the beautifully tiled kitchen. “That kid just passed up the best offer she’ll ever get in her life. She doesn’t know how good she’s got it. She doesn’t know how to be grateful.”

My face burned, stomach swam.

He isn’t right. I am my own best offer. I am all I need.

When Joellen picked me up the next morning, I said goodbye to the girls, slipped the forgotten key into my pocket, and sent a prayer to the universe that the woman would never again be able to get back into that fucking Christmas closet.

Chapter Thirteen

“THIRTY MINUTES?” KIRA SAID at lunch on Monday. “That’s it?”

“Thirty-two. I’ve never been thirty seconds late in any placement, with anyone, ever. God, I think I’m getting an ulcer.” I held the right side of my abdomen, feeling a tight and sharp pain that had been there since Sunday morning.

“Have you talked to Sean?”

“Texted him yesterday. Told him I needed to cool it for a while for Francine’s sake. He said he understood.”

“Cool it? Okay, grandma. Did Francine say you couldn’t go out with him anymore?”

“No.”

“So this is a self-imposed ‘cooling’?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to stop seeing him?”

“Of course not!” I wailed pitifully. “I want to see him! I want to go out with him! I want to do all the stuff with him!”

“All right, okay, I don’t need all the details….”

“You know what I mean.”

“Muiriel,” she sighed. “What the hell?”

“I can’t throw my life away for a boy.”

“Who’s throwing anything away? Just don’t be late anymore, problem solved.”