“I’m so sorry,” Zack says as he pushes strands of hair out of Suhani’s face.

Suhani tucks her head under his chin. The collar of his navy-blue button-down brushes against her cheek. “No, I’m sorry. I should have told you what happened a long time ago and I definitely should have when Roshan showed up. I was so scared after he threatened to tell people at the hospital how I left med school without any warning. I thought he’d ruin me. So I just kept burying myself in work and avoided facing it. And then I got so overwhelmed with it all, wanting to be the wife you deserved and knowing I was failing, wanting to be a perfect doctor.”

As much as Suhani wants to blame everything that went wrong on Roshan, she knows that it’s all much bigger than that. At the core, she never accepted herself. She tried to cure her nagging sense of inadequacy with perfectionism and work and accomplishments. But what she’s needed to do this entire time is embrace herself, believe in her inherent self-worth. She needs to show Zack all of who she is. And doing that takes reflection and work, the type of reflection and work she’s been avoiding until now.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Her words diffuse into the air and become one with her surroundings. She doesn’t cry or even move, but something inside her stirs. It’s as though the pain she’s been storing in her body is slowly seeping out.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Zack says. “It’s okay.”

“I love you,” Suhani says. “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much, too,” Zack whispers. “Do you remember when I first told you about my dad and you said that if something happens to me, it also happens to you?”

She does remember that. Why did she lose sight of that foundational part of them?

“It goes both ways.” Zack strokes her hair. “If something happens to you, it also happens to me.”

Suhani nods, once again wishing she had let herself be vulnerable with the person she trusts more than anyone. Sometimes, she has to go against her instinct to handle everything herself. One of the most difficult discoveries she’s made is that she needs her independence as much as she needs to be taken care of.

Their potential future unspools in front of her. She and Zack coming home to each other every night, drinking wine, and discussing their days. Zack, stretched out on a lounge chair in Santorini, the sparkling blue water reflecting in his sunglasses. Suhani, giving him NyQuil and ginger tea when he’s sick. Zack, surprising her by speaking in Gujarati to the aunties. Suhani, learning how to make perfect matzoh balls. A blur of meals and massages, colors and smells.