“I get that I’m the fucked up one here, okay?” Natasha grabs the microphone and paces up and down the stage. “I’m supposed to want this stuff. But it’s complicated. And how do you explain to your boyfriend and your family that you’re just not right in the head? Like, I always assume the worst is going to happen, okay? It comes from this little thing I struggle with called anxiety. Can any of you imagine telling your mom—your Indian, set-in-her-ways mom—that there’s no way you can think about getting married? Because you think too much about everything? Your brain is so fried that even your vibrator isn’t doing it for you? I mean, hello?”

A woman by the bar yells, “Word!” There’s another round of cheers.

Natasha smiles. “And for all you married people, I’m happy for you, but fuck off.”

The rest of Natasha’s segment continues this way, addictive cycles of buildup and catharsis. She feels like she’s watching herself from above the stage.

After all the comedians are done, she goes into the audience to find Anuj. Every few seconds, someone taps her shoulder and tells her she did a great job. Her face starts to hurt from beaming. For the first time in weeks, maybe years, she’s on a high that’s better than any drug she’s ever tried. Maybe things can really turn around. Maybe she didn’t ruin her life after all.

Six

Anuj

Anuj uploads Natasha’s stand-up comedy video to her YouTube channel.

Perfect. He was able to lower the sound of cackling from one cluster of people in the audience, so Natasha’s voice is clear and easy to follow. There’s also a filter that gives Natasha a soft glow.

Ha! So much for those two guys in middle school who would push him into his locker and taunt him with questions like, “Yo, Mr. India, are you gonna fix my computer or what?”

If he could go back, he’d say, “Yes, I am, actually. And I’ll fix your printer, too.”

Of course, after Natasha spread a rumor that both of the guys had micropenises, they never bothered Anuj again. But still. How fun would it be to just give them a piece of his mind now?

He watches the video for the hundredth time. When Natasha’s nerves don’t paralyze her, she’s hilarious—and in a universal way on top of that. He used to ask her why she felt the need to react to everything. Now he sees that quality is what makes her so funny. She gives a shit. She’s moved by the world.

People often called her the “difficult” or “problem” child, but Anuj wonders if that’s just code for the child who feels the most in a family.