Over the next few minutes, other hospital staff members come in and out. Almost all of them perk up when they recognize Suhani. Natasha feels herself swelling with pride during each interaction. This is my badass sister at work. Seeing her sister so easily slip into this other identity is jarring in the way it was when Natasha was five years old and learned her teacher didn’t live at school.

Once there’s finally a lull between people coming in and out, Suhani hands Natasha a slim box of tissues and says, “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”

“A big mistake happened. That’s what all this is.” Natasha’s voice squeaks.

“Just take a deep breath. I promise you it’s going to be okay,” Suhani says in a voice that’s both gentle and calm. She’s shifting from big-sister mode to assertive-but-caring-doctor mode. Natasha takes another tissue and Suhani rubs her back. Is this how she is with patients? No wonder everyone at work loves her.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Start from wherever you want.” Suhani rests Natasha’s head on her shoulder, ready to listen.

Twenty

Suhani

Natasha starts with the hours before she called 911. How she saw Karan and found out he has a girlfriend (how does he already have a girlfriend?!), her solo trip to Fado (why does she always drink alone?), the overwhelming dread that engulfed her when she was at Suhani and Zack’s apartment (why did Natasha ever leave their place?).

I’m supposed to be there for you, Suhani thinks over and over again as she listens to every detail. Even if we’re mad at each other, I’m always here for you. You should never feel that alone.

How could she have missed this? She’s a freaking psychiatrist, for God’s sake, and Natasha was staying at their place for weeks. And no matter what she and Natasha are going through, she always thought she’d be aware if Natasha was really struggling.

Her mind jumps to an array of moments: showing Natasha how to pick out the right jewelry for lehengas, marking up her math homework with a red Sharpie, getting annoyed when Natasha took her clothes, analyzing her fights with Karan, mediating drama between her and Mom and Dad. Is it possible that despite everything they’ve been through together, there are parts of Natasha she’s never known?

“I’m so sorry you got to that place and I wasn’t there for you,” Suhani says. “I’ll never let that happen again.”

“I’m the one who’s sorry for this entire mess.” Natasha taps her heels against the edge of the bed. Tap, tap, tap, tap. “How soon can we get out of here? This place is the worst. I don’t know how you work here.”