“Yeah, I get that.” Suhani nods as if she understands, but her pursed lips and downturned eyes give away that she’s hurt. Really hurt. And Natasha can’t blame her. She’s the psychiatrist and her older sister. How could she not be the one Natasha called?

“Wait, where is Zack?” Natasha asks.

“He’s in the waiting area. Mom, Dad, and Anuj are on the way,” Suhani says.

“WHAT?!” Natasha pulls away from her. “I don’t want them here! He shouldn’t have told them!”

“He didn’t. I did.”

Natasha clenches her fists. “Why would you do that?”

“Because we all love you,” Suhani says in a gentle voice. “And we’re here for you.”

Natasha feels a rush of anger alongside relief. She always has so many contradictory emotions rising in her these days.

“I’ll text Zack to keep them occupied, say they can’t be in the ER yet,” Suhani offers. “But they will want to see you. And I can’t blame them for that.”

“Yeah, I can’t, either.” Natasha tries to ignore the heavy guilt that’s spreading throughout her body. She also feels shards of something else poking at her insides, something she can’t quite pinpoint.

Despite what she just told Suhani, all she wants now is to be in the fetal position in her four-poster bed at home. She wants Mom to bring her a large mug of chai and Dad to sit at the foot of her bed, reassuring her the way he did when she got in trouble in high school. She wants to hear the hiss of the pressure cooker and the creak of wooden floorboards as her parents go to the living room and turn on a black-and-white Bollywood movie. She wants the smell of roasted mustard seeds and chilies to waft up to her room.

She had a similar feeling when she got to her dorm room years ago. The entire summer before college, she couldn’t wait to get out of her parents’ house. But seconds after she unpacked her last box of Easy Mac, she wanted to go back. The dorm suddenly felt like a dungeon. She cried in bed and hours later called Mom and Dad to tell them she was having the time of her life.

“Food services!” A woman wearing a shirt that reads hospital dining comes in and asks if Natasha wants some water and peanut butter crackers. Natasha shakes her head. The woman looks at Suhani, then says, “Dr. Joshi? Is that you?”

“Nancy!” Suhani grins. “How’s it going?”

“I didn’t even recognize you!” Nancy smiles. “Thank God it’s almost shift-change time. I’m exhausted.”

“Oh, I bet! I’m glad you’re almost done and can be with your beautiful family,” Suhani says.

Nancy beams, then pulls up a picture on her phone of an adorable chubby baby boy with golden curls and large blue eyes.