I give the two of them a parting wave and head toward the door, leaving them to hunt for the missing footage. As I’m about to exit the room, Kael calls my name and strides over to me.

“Are you feeling better today?” he asks in a low voice. “Rested? Normal?”

“Good as new,” I lie, if only to ease the worried look on his face.

He visibly relaxes at my words, enough to convince me that I’m making the right decision by not telling him about the serum. He has so much on his shoulders already—he doesn’t need me adding to it. And I definitely don’t need him locking me away for my own protection.

“What about you?” I ask. At his questioning look, I carefully explain, “Last night, it wasn’t just my memories we saw. Your mother … Kael, I can’t imagine how that felt, having to relive that moment. I know you’re worried about me, but what about you?”

His face hardens briefly at the mention of his mum, but by the time I finish, his features are composed again.

“It wasn’t … easy, watching that,” he admits. “But … in a way, I’m glad I got to see her again, even if only in a memory. It helped me remember what’s most important in life. It helped me remember that everything I’m doing is for her.”

His role here leading the Remnants, keeping them safe and strong and doing what he can to save other Speakers—it’s all to honor her. But there’s a sadness in his eyes that’s stark and painful, prompting me to lean forward and wrap my arms around him.

It takes him a second to return the embrace, but then he hugs me back, just as tightly.

When we pull away, he clears his throat and says, “Speaking of important things, I’m a little busy right now trying to figure all this stuff out”—he waves a hand around the command center—“but I should be able to find some time soon if you want to cash in your rain check on the training?”

I freeze, then force myself to relax, scratching my nose in an effort to stall.

Earlier this week, I would have given anything to learn from Kael.

But today …

Until I know for sure what the serum is doing to me, until I know without a doubt that Ward wasn’t lying, that the effects aren’t just temporary …

I can’t risk it. I can’t risk Kael finding out before I’m sure, before I’m ready to tell him.

I muster my most genuine smile and say, “I’d love that, but why don’t we wait until things calm down a bit?” I swallow and lie, “Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of time.”