By the time I get up, it’s dark. I look out of the window to see a girl walking down Albany Road and for a second I think it’s Jess and my heart leaps, but then she turns to check the traffic before she crosses the road and I realise that no, it’s nothing like her. And I don’t know why, but my brain spins me back to last December when we first met. God, I screwed up there. She’d laughed and wound tinsel round her hair, and we’d chatted about everything and nothing over fajitas and tequila. I could have been in a completely different situation if I hadn’t been such an arse. If I hadn’t fallen into bed with Emma – I groan and run my hands through my hair. If this year’s taught me one thing, it’s that I’m not ever going to be a casual fling sort of person. It’s just too bloody complicated.

I keep thinking about what Rob said. He almost made me believe that if something was meant to be, it was worth all the struggle and the mess and the heartache. And with someone like Jess, I don’t think I’d have to choose between the job and the relationship. She’d get it.

Sod it. When Jess gets back, I’m going to ask her if she’ll come on that walk we’ve been planning, and then we can end up back at our favourite café, and Lona can make us a hot chocolate with rum. And I can give her the book, and – the idea makes me feel a bit sick – maybe I can find a way to tell her how I feel.

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Alex

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Alex

11th October

The week drags past. This module we’re on is the most boring one so far – all health and safety issues in the workplace and risk assessments and protocols. I spend most of the time half-listening in lectures, doodling in the margins of my notepad, and feeling sick at the thought of seeing Jess.

And then Friday comes and I come back from college to find the front door open. Jess’s red and white striped key ring is lying on the dresser, and her coat’s hanging on the end of the banister. I try and act casual, taking the stairs one at a time. I don’t want to look like I’m hurtling up there to see her but I realise I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. God, this is ridiculous.

I knock on the door and wait a second.

‘Hello?’ Jess says from within.

‘It’s me.’

‘Alex!’ She grins as I push the door open, popping my head round.