I thank her and order a panini, then sit in the corner by the window, looking out at the crowds of people bustling past wrapped up against a weirdly early cold snap. The leaves have turned already, and the slender poplar trees are already half-bare, their long branches reaching up to the sky like slender fingers. It’s going to be a cold winter.

‘Here you are, my love.’ Lona slides a plate in front of me, the panini steaming hot. ‘And I’ve made you another coffee on the house. You look like you’ve got the cares of the world on your shoulders.’

‘Something like that,’ I say. ‘Thank you.’

I wait for my food to cool and stare into space. Something has to change. I saw Becky before I left, and she looked seriously shifty. She gave me an odd look and sidled past me in the hallway. I’m pretty sure she’s guessed something is up. I’ve been taking the piss with the whole no-relationships thing, carrying on with Emma the way I have. I can’t help wondering if it’s time for a fresh start. I’ve screwed this up. Abeo and Oli, two of my friends from work, said the other day they were looking for a new place. We’d be on placements loads more in second year, and maybe living with other nurses would make more sense. But even if we found a grotty place the rent would be sky high compared to Becky’s house.

Maybe I should look into that guardian thing that Jess’s friend Gen does. But she moves house every few months, flitting from one place to the next quite happily. I’ve got enough going on with shifting placements. I want to feel settled, or at least feel like I can unpack my things and not be waiting for the next move all the time, especially with college stress going on as well.

I drop my head into my hands, closing my eyes and giving a quiet groan of desperation. Why the hell did I end up in bed with Emma? I don’t even like her – well, not like that. I mean she’s a lovely girl and everything. But – shit. The truth is, every time this happens, it feels like I’m doing a pretty good job of sabotaging something. I’m not sure what.

I look down at my phone. There’s a message from Jess.

I am now a cardiac expert. Coming home to grill you and see if I know more than you do.

That wouldn’t be hard, I type back in reply.

Feeling a bit better about leaving NB today – she asked for her lipstick to put on because the handsome nurse is on shift again, so think she’s feeling better. X

Glad to hear it.

Oh and she patted the handsome nurse on the thigh in a slightly saucy manner earlier.