Eli shrugs. “I said because nobody wants to hang out with the kid who wakes up screaming at sleepovers. So he asked me why I did that. And then we talked about stuff that scares us, and how to get over it.”

“What did he say scared him?”

“Moooom,” Eli says, drawing out the word. “I can’t tell you something the dude shared with me in confidence. C’mon.”

“Fair enough,” I say, although it doesn’t feel fair at all. “I’ll take you to Tashlich. If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah. I do. It’s a good thing, right? Getting rid of the bad stuff so you’re not hanging onto it for the next year?” He grins.

“Yes,” I tell him. “It’s a good thing.”

I am suspicious, though. For the first time, I text Christian. Eli says he’s been spending time over there at night. I don’t think that’s appropriate. In the future, please don’t allow him to come over there after it’s dark.

The response comes in a minute later. What are you worried will happen, Mama? I promise you the sorts of things you and I did over here after dark are not going to happen with your kid.

My jaw clenches. So does my fist, fingers gripping the phone. I force my entire body to relax before swiping away the text so there’s no chance Ken can see it. Another text comes in before I can put away my phone.

You need to give me notice before coming in my apartment, by the way.

It’s my apartment.

Three dots, bouncing. Then nothing. Dots.

I’d have helped you move all that stuff out of here. All you had to do was ask.

My fingers fly over the phone screen. I will never ask you for anything. Ever.

There’s no hesitation in his response this time. No emojis or LOL or even any punctuation to give it a tone. Just three simple words.

Yes you will.

CHAPTER
16

THERE’S A GROUP already gathered in Riverscape Park when Eli and I get there. We each have our small baggies of breadcrumbs. The rabbi is greeting people, but some are already tossing their crumbs into the water.

“Do you want to stand over there? Or down farther?” I point discreetly away from the group.

Performing Tashlich can be done without a rabbi’s guidance. I downloaded the prayers onto an app for my phone. I don’t read Hebrew, but I made sure to get an English transliteration.

Eli shrugs. “We can go down a little bit. We don’t need to be part of the crowd.”

A voice comes from behind me. “Jewelann Kahan? Is that you?”

The man behind us looks familiar. Older, grayer, a bigger belly. The same smile in his eyes, though. I bet he’s got Werther’s butterscotch candies in his pocket along with the crumbs.

“Mr. Stein?”

We don’t hug, but he nods at me with another smile. “I haven’t seen you in a long time. And this is your son. Elijah, yes?”