“Courtesy of the rent from your buddy,” he says. “Oh, sorry. I forgot. You barely know each other.”

Ken’s stare is intense. He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand, over and over. I want to pull it away, but I don’t.

My bland, adoring smile sits on my face like a mask. “I guess it’s a good idea to have a tenant, after all. You were right.”

“I’ll certainly feel better about having someone on the property once I’m back on the road,” Ken says. “I’ll be starting back tomorrow, by the way. Bright and early. Turns out they just can’t trust any of the new hires to maintain the relationships with the clients. I’m the best they’ve got.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“Best to get home, though. Since I’m leaving in the morning.”

At home, when we try to pull into the driveway, it’s already full of cars. We have to park at the curb. The carriage house is ablaze with light. Shadows move behind the curtains, and even from the street I can hear a thump-thump-thump of music. I imagine Beth over there, dancing with her blonde hair tumbling all down her back, her face flushed and eyes gleaming. I imagine Christian kissing her. My sushi dinner isn’t sitting steadily any longer.

“Someone’s having a party,” Ken says but otherwise seems unconcerned.

In our bedroom, he presses himself against me. The sex is fast, even frantic. He clutches at me with what almost seems like desperation. I want to enjoy it, but he’s doing nothing to get me even close. For the first time in all the years we’ve been together, Ken doesn’t finish.

He withdraws, breathing hard. I can smell the sour tang of body odor in the cool air between us. He sits on the edge of the bed, facing away from me. In the quiet, I can hear the party from the carriage house, faint but still going on.

I touch Ken’s back. His skin twitches under my fingertips. He shifts, looking at me over his shoulder for a second before he gets out of bed.

“I’ve got some stuff I need to do. Paperwork stuff before I leave. I’ll be up in a while. Don’t wait for me.”

I sit up after he’s gone. I draw my knees to my chest, resting my face against them.

He knows, I think.

He can’t know.

He knows, I tell myself and hold back a shuddering sigh that fights to become a sob. I’d made a valiant effort, but I had been a fool to think that just because I’d been able to keep some of my darkest secrets, that I’d be able to keep all of them.

CHAPTER
19

A SERIES OF TREMORS rips through my entire body as I think of Ken finding out about … everything. Quaking, I swing my feet over the edge of the bed. I stagger toward the bathroom. I think I might throw up, but even then, my feet won’t move fast enough. The floor shifts beneath them, and I have to clutch the dresser to make sure I’m standing still. I’m outside of myself, drifting but tethered. If I suck in a breath, will I return to my body, or will I simply float away?