I still can’t say it was an accident that Rex died because I should have seen the bullet coming. Protecting my brothers was my duty, and I failed. Sully wants to keep working on changing my mindset, but in this, I’m unchangeable. The best I can do is make peace with my errors. And that’s why I went out to Texas—to visit his parents.

Their home was a simple Tudor on a tree-lined block with an American flag on a tall pole in the front yard. Not exactly where I envisioned my pessimistic friend to live—he was always angry about something—but hey, beneath it all, Rex was completely dependable and the best type of man with honor and love in his heart. It makes sense that his upbringing was with warmth. Mine was, too. My parents loved me and Aaron, and they loved each other as well. I’m thankful for that.

Rex’s mom and dad opened the door together, and his mom burst into tears. Is this how my mother would have greeted me had she been alive when I returned home?

We sat on a large, floral L-shaped couch in their living room, talking about what a brave son they had before they showed me photos of Rex as a baby and through school. Rex with his little league baseball trophy—he played first base. Rex’s ninth birthday party at the ice-skating rink. The house was full of pride for their only son.

“Real hero he was,” his mother exclaimed, tears filling her soft blue eyes, just like Rex’s.

I choked up during my apology for not having saved him.

His father, flushed with emotion, embraced me. “It’s not your fault. He died a true hero.”

I finally broke down.

Leaving their home was bittersweet, but we promised to stay in touch.

“You’ll invite us to your wedding, right, Slade?”

The moment she said that, I thought of you on your wedding day and the lucky guy who would call himself your husband. Would you wear shoes like you wore to Vincent and Eve’s wedding, all strappy and high? I still laugh about that.

When I was back in the car, “Black Hole Sun” came on the radio. I know you hate that song. I wanted to call you.

Eve and Vincent both think I should wait longer before I pick up the phone, at least until the twelve weeks are up, but it’s taking all my self-control and then some. I miss you so badly. Do you miss me?

Lauren Amini <[email protected]>

To: Slade McCormack

Subject: Hello

Slade,

I’ve been getting your e-mails over the last month. Since I got the first, I have written on and off again but wasn’t able to press Send. To tell you the truth, I just didn’t know how to start.

You hurt me. You really did. I ignored my instincts because I was enamored by you. Because you brought these feelings out of me that I had never felt before. You’re gorgeous and so intelligent. You’re a hero.