To: Lauren Amini

Subject: How are you?

Lauren,

You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. Have I ever told you that? Harming you was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I know hearing from me might not be what you want, but I care about you too much to just walk away. I know you want a husband. You want a family. You want a life of your own filled with love. I want that for you, too. I don’t know when or if I’ll be better. Or if I’ll ever be in a position to be good enough for you. Or even if I got my shit together, if you’d ever forgive me for the pain I caused. I wish I could swear that I’d be healed completely one day, but to say that would be a lie.

You don’t reply to my e-mails. I know I don’t deserve your time. I want to beg though. Beg that you’ll give me a chance to get out of this.

I’ve been through war. I’ve come home, only to realize that hell isn’t always in a moment but can live in memories. But then I saw you at the hospital that night when Vincent was in a coma, and I was literally struck dumb by your beauty. It didn’t take long for me to know your level of stunning is so much more than skin deep. Lauren, if you only knew how just your presence fills me up inside.

I’m missing you.

Slade McCormack <[email protected]>

To: Lauren Amini

Subject: Hi there

Lauren,

How is everything going? Are you doing okay? Eve keeps me updated on you. She tells me you’re going for the master’s in social work. I’m so glad for you. You should never settle for anything less than you deserve. And you deserve to love your career.

Lauren, somehow, with you, I want to speak. With you, I want to open my guts and spill what’s in my heart. This is not how I normally operate. I have always kept things inside. Maybe it’s because you are so pure. There’s a strength within you that calls to me. I’ve always been tough. Tough in the face of hardship. I think maybe my hardness was also related to fear when it came to you. I feared rejection. I didn’t think you would ever love someone like me. Between my nightmares and drug abuse, I realized my worth was limited. I kept an iron curtain between my heart and yours. You should have a man without these hang-ups. You deserve more. Even if I learn to control these issues, Sully tells me they might never be gone completely. Still, I wish there was a way I could erase my problems. I want to be the type of man who deserves you. I’m going to try.

Slade McCormack <[email protected]>

To: Lauren Amini

Subject: Hey there

Hi Lauren,

How are you? How is school? I’m getting a good handle on myself, and Sully is trying to get me to alter my thinking. Remember when we talked about mental strength and how important it is to keep your thoughts in line? I’m working on that. Lots of what happened is in the past, but I’m trying to change the way I see it in my rearview mirror.