In your eyes, I saw the best version of myself. With you, things seemed to make sense. Like I could be the woman I always wanted to be. Independent and strong and happy.

But then again, with you, I was yelled at. I was physically bruised and emotionally beaten. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I won’t.

I understand that you’ve been suffering from severe PTSD. I think I realized it at the time but was steadfast in my denial. I know what you went through overseas was horrifying. I read all of these Navy SEAL books in an attempt to understand better, but I had to stop. All I could see in them was you.

I’m also so sorry about what happened with Rex, but I’m glad to hear you visited his family. I’m sure that was closure for you. Maybe now, instead of feeling agony with the thought of him, you’ll be soothed by the fact that his family does not blame you. It sounds like they really like you. I’m not surprised. You’re a great man.

I haven’t been sleeping well, and so I saw a therapist. She tells me that replying to you is not a good idea. She seems to think you’re toxic and dangerous. Don’t worry; I haven’t seen her since that session. You aren’t dangerous. You’re going through a hard time, and I understand that. I believe you’ll get through it.

I’m not sure how I’ll feel in a few months. Or next year. Or even tomorrow. I’m trying to take my life day by day and concentrate on work and bettering myself. What I went through with you was very painful, and I’m still having trouble with digesting it all.

Otherwise, things with me are good. As you know from Eve, I’m going for my master’s. Online courses make things a lot easier. I work during the day at Crier and study at night. Almost no time for shopping. Surprised?

I know you want to hear more, but I’m not sure what else to say. I’m praying for you in your recovery.

Sincerely,

Lauren

Slade McCormack <[email protected]>

To: Lauren Amini

Subject: Hi

Lauren,

Do me a favor and never see that therapist again. She’s a moron. Yes, I fucked up. In some ways, I’m a wreck. I plan to rise above it. I’m going to show you, if you’ll let me, that I’m not that horrible man you saw glimpses of.

What hurts me the most is the thought that I hardened you. You are so trusting and full of love. I ribbed you over your shopping habits, but I love it. I love the clothes you wear and how you’ve got so much style. I might not know about things like shoe types, but I do know that you always look gorgeous. Like, that bathing suit you wore on the lake. Or the strappy shoes at Vincent and Eve’s wedding. The dress with a million buttons. Your blue cotton pajamas with lace on the edges. I notice everything about you, even when you think I don’t.