She was happy, managing finally to balance her guilt and sadness with the new and overwhelming sense of peace that being mum to Jake and Natalie and wife to Mario gave her. She had never, ever, wanted more children; her kids filled her life and her heart. Once Jake and Natalie had arrived, she thought it far better to be able to provide properly for the two she did have, rather than struggle to accommodate a third child they had never planned for or discussed. They lived in a three-bedroom house, which meant a bedroom each – what would happen with a third child? Would they have to move? Or God forbid, be forced to put a caravan on the driveway? Besides, moving was out of the question financially. That, and they were in the right catchment area for the primary school, at which the children were thriving.

Bess thought back to that time and sank lower in the bath, letting the water soothe her. Mario’s reaction earlier had floored her – and saddened her, of course. Not only the depth of his distress, but the fact that he had felt unable to talk to her about it. It was hard to fathom that at no point over the last two decades had he managed to find a moment to broach the topic – not until today, when his grief had finally tumbled from him. Bess took a long draw on her cigarette and lay back with her eyes closed. It would seem that they both kept secrets. Mario’s private sadness was surprising but also mirrored her own. Maybe that was the way in to the hardest of all conversations, one where she might begin to share her long-held secret, the thought of which was enough to send a shiver along her limbs.

‘Least said, soonest mended,’ she said aloud, her words spiralling up with the wisps of cigarette smoke. The only response was the drip drip of the tap into the bath.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs sent her into a small panic and her heart raced, until a voice called out, ‘Mum? Mu-um?’

Jesus Christ, what was it with this family! How hard was it to get a bath in peace?

‘In the bath, Nats! Just getting out now!’ Natalie, of course, like Jake, had a door key. Bess jumped out of the bath for the second time that morning and lobbed the cigarette into the bath water. Grabbing the towel around her body, she opened the bathroom door a crack.

‘Hello, sweetie.’ She beamed at the sight of her beautiful girl, who in her blue suit and heels with her straight blonde hair tied into a ponytail managed to pull off professional and attractive in the way some women could. Bess always thought she would have made a wonderful air hostess.